house of cards in a hurricane

I felt the urge to blog so here I am, giving the small to non-existent population of readers an unnecessary update on my life.

Work has been going okay though I feel that my brain cells are rotting because I'm forgetting everything I learnt in 3 years of very expensive tuition. However, there aren't many opportunities for critical thinking at work or it could be that I just haven't noticed any. More likely it's the latter; I'm not exactly the sharpest tool in the box. I am happy to report, though, that my cannulation success rate has improved drastically from when I first started. I was hopeless back then cos even the easy veins would bump on me! And it dawned on me that the technique they taught was more difficult to execute than the one I'm using now, which is probably unorthodox but it gets the job done so whatever. I even managed to cannulate a renal patient's vein and theirs are known to be notoriously small. *pats self on the back*

NUH has also come up with a mentor programme to "further develop our potential". I'm really glad that NUH has an interest in us and takes the effort to set up such an initiative, making me glad I chose this hospital but sometimes I'm just so lazy to do all the required nonsense. Then I get annoyed with myself for thinking this way cos I do realise what an incredible opportunity I have to be successful and there's actually going to be Yoda-esque figure to guide me and explore the limits of what I can achieve. That's more than what I could ever ask for and here I am, throwing it all away, despite all that's happened. Currently, my biggest dilemma is choosing a mentor because I don't have a clear goal in mind. I wish I could get my act together already.

What's making my little head worry even more is the fact that I'm going down to the operating theatre soon to learn how to create and maintain a sterile environment. I'm not looking forward to it because I detest the OT. I don't like the staff and I don't really like the elitist culture that I perceive they have. It doesn't help that the surgeons and nurses tend to scold a lot and I haven't developed an elephant-like skin to withstand all that. My solution is to suck up more to the surgical team. It's something that I despise doing but I see it as a necessary evil to avoid more embarrassment in the theatre. I really should change my outlook on this and see it as a fresh start, instead of worrying about my potential mistakes. Positive thinking is half the battle won, right? Plus passing the course will give me a slight increase in salary :)

As for my colleagues, let's just say that I don't get along with all of them. Even the ones I thought I was okay with, I found out that they've been badmouthing me behind my back. Like, whut? And how in the world do you work with someone who always has a black face and doesn't talk to you? It makes the day so unpleasant. Granted her work is almost flawless but that doesn't give her the right to be such a bitch when a mistake is made. It makes me all the more want to catch her in her mistake and, if I had the guts, to tell her "Hey you make errors too so can you not be so hard on other people?" I don't know why I'm so afraid to let her know what I really think, maybe it's the fact that I hate confrontations. Oh well, I'm not going to stay there forever anyway but I have to stop people from bullying me too much and I think I'm just not going to say anything to people who irritate me.

So in a nutshell, aside from my holiday in Greece which was a good escape, my life is just so-so.