Master of my fate, captain of my soul

Nope, I'm not dead after eating "vanilla ice-cream with raspberries and blueberries between two chocolate brownies". For those who don't know about thisiswhyyourefat.com, please check it out. Some of the food may revolt you, some will make you go "Oooh that actually sounds rather good" (like the one above) but most will probably get you thinking about whether people actually eat the stuff.

Anyway, this is for the few people vaguely interested in an update about my life. I AM GRADUATING. Yes, D-day for me is finally here. Well, not here here, but on Tuesday.

I don't quite feel it yet, mostly because I'm participating in Rag 0910. The next logical question would then be why I'm still in hall slaving away for the 8th of August. And my answer to that logical question would be simply because I'd like to be there at the SRC, feeling the adrenaline rush and the rollercoaster of emotions. Besides, this is the last time I'm going to be standing in a sea of friends, hoping and praying for the same thing, cheering like a maniac if we win and supporting each other if we don't. It helps that doing this makes me forget that I'm no longer a student but an adult about to step into the working world, something which honestly scares the hell outta me.

So, of course now I'm job hunting, sorta. As much as I'm ashamed to admit, I don't have much ambition regarding work. I just want something that will provide my daily bread and enough dough to support my parents.

I've already completely ruled out working in the wards and am now looking at outpatient clinics and other nine-to-five gigs, which may or may not be related to the healthcare sector. I honestly didn't realise how bloody tiring shift work would be and as superficial as it may sound, I didn't like the toll it took on my social life. I mean, I want my evenings free to spend time with friends and dammit, I want my public holidays whenever everyone else gets them. I like being normal and not working from 10pm till 7am the next day, thank you very much.

Le sigh. I joined nursing because I wanted to help disaster victims, as cliched as that may sound. Somewhere along the way, I've lost sight of that and unlike Carlos Solis, never regained my vision back. I still do want to aid others - I have this dream of sponsoring an Indian slum kid's education - but I honestly don't think I'll be doing that as a professional in white.

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me
Black as the Pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

- William Ernest Henley