WARNING: Long rambling entry.

And the blows just keep on comin'...

Jian Hui just informed me that I'm 15th on the waiting list, the 9th girl and quite obviously not on the Master's List. Of course I asked if I could be moved up but he said it is a decision the JCRC and the blockheads have made. He also said from his experience, it is likely that I will not be able to get in and that if I wanted to quit Rag, he'd understand. I immediately said No, I will still help. I'm looking forward to Rag, to have a chance to be an active participant in something so important to SH; I'm definitely not going to take that away from myself. I don't want to, I CANNOT, leave Sheares Hall without participating in Rag. It's a cardinal sin, really.

Just the day before yesterday he was saying it's probable that I'll get the Master's list. That lifted my spirits a bit cos I thought he'd work a little of his magic. I thought if anyone could solve my problems, it'd be him, but he's not God and will never be. Anyway if it weren't for his interventions there wouldn't even be any negotiation at all. I'll be out of Sheares without a second thought. At least now, I'm still on waiting list. That's something, isn't it? *forces fake optimism*

Everytime I think about the people I will leave and the events I will miss, I feel a big wave of sadness engulfing me. I will never be able to experience hall as a senior, never again take part in events like Buaya Week, Night Cycling and endless suppers and never be able to spend another year in the company of good friends who are a breath of fresh air from my coursemates.

Why do people always revere leaders? Must you be a leader to be deemed good enough? Followers are important too. What is a leader without his people? As useless as the rain in a flood, is my best guess. A leader who can't follow is pretty much no good as well. Imagine one day if someone else is in charge, he'll forever be questioning decisions, not obeying orders cos he thinks his way is best, arguing with others who don't share his point of view and basically creating trouble. He'll be a wrecking ball, slowly knocking the team down. Of course this is not to say leaders are worthless, on the contrary they are important indeed but just don't forget the people under them.

Anyway I was thinking maybe I'm destined to be an APN and God's taking me out of hall to concentrate on my studies.

But because I love hall so much, I'm going to apply for the waiting list, which is really the last of last resorts already. If I don't get it, well then I'll deal.

Edit (18 00): Blubber just smsed me to say my chances of getting back in are pretty okay but daren't get my hopes up too high, just for them to come crashing back down again. Still keeping my fingers crossed though.. But I really must concentrate on my exams now!