don't shoot me, Santa

My basic peri-operative course is nearly coming to an end but these last two weeks will be the worst. Each day in the OT is agony; I'm literally counting down the days till the 24th, which is when my blasted course will end and all my assignments handed in. I still have to make up one day though cos I took an MC. It's so not fair, I'm bloody entitled to 14 days of MC, aren't I? They should have a leeway of one to two days of sick leave! It's easy for the other staff to make up the days cos they're all from DSOT or MOT but I have to leave my department one person short when I make up the day.

I don't know why I'm putting so much pressure on myself to do well. It's not like in school where it's a must to get good grades so you'll get a better job. I guess it's because some people are aware of where I'm from and I feel like I have something to prove. Especially after one of the Senior Staff Nurses was telling everyone within earshot about how I'm on the path to becoming an Assistant Director of Nursing and whatnot. Even the surgeon was looking curiously at me! In my mind, I was mentally screaming at her to "Shut the hell up, you stupid woman!" I was seething after that because as much as it's a good thing to have a degree and all, I'm afraid that people will have pre-conceived notions of me, which I definitely don't want, especially in an industry where most people graduate with a diploma.

I start my Orthopaedics posting tomorrow and then the week after is my stint in O&G. I'm absolutely terrified of Ortho surgeons, thanks to all the horror stories I've heard. Every day I hope and pray that I escape unscathed. It doesn't help that I know very little about bones and the lecturer for that module was quite shitty. I'm of the opinion that she gave very little consideration to the fact that I was the only non-OT-trained staff in the course. It's a mean thing to say but probably her mind was on what eyeshadow would match her outfit the next morning. No doubt she's very knowledgeable or she wouldn't be where she is but she simply sucks at teaching.

I hate the fact that I was thrown into the OT with a steep learning curve to tackle. Although, I must admit, if the course was any longer, I think I'll have a mental breakdown. I know it's the terrible outlook that I have that's probably causing me half my misery and I try to have positive thinking to start the day off but it's hard. However, I chose to attend this and I will get through it. I keep reminding myself that I've faced worse and that another two weeks is but a minute in my life. It's just that I think that putting myself through the postings of the different disciplines is completely unnecessary and a waste of resources because the very basics of what I learnt in the course is sufficient for my department.

But if it gets me an extra $50 in my paycheck every month, then what the heck. I mean, this hell has to come to an end some time right?