love is not a victory march;

we can rule the world

2011-03-14T21:03:00.004+08:00

I am finally done with the OT course!! Well, actually I finished it in December and I'm happy to say that I did much better than expected. Thank you, NUS, for drilling into me the skills for writing case studies. At least all those sleepless nights and last-minute churning trained me well.

Anyway, for my loyal readers, you may have recalled that I mentioned a mentorship program for the graduate nurses. So far, it's turning out to be a very good thing indeed. The chats I have with my mentor may seem superficial to some, but I try hard to learn something from each session. Needless to say, my mentor is quite wonderful, insightful and smart. She gives me hope that I might one day find something to my liking in this sometimes dreary profession. I really should take full advantage of the relationship I have with her to venture out of my comfort zone cos I'm not going to be in this honeymoon phase forever.

I've started my emergency on-call thingamajig as well. My first week was the CNY week which turned out a lot better than expected but I think I'm going to give away at least my weekend calls as soon as possible cos really, who wants to get called back when you're having a nice dinner? It was a little scary at first but it's getting better. Although as I admitted to one of the consultants the other day, I'm not quite keen on doing calls despite the extra money.

Talking about my mentor giving me hope, the same consultant also gave me some encouraging advice regarding the future of Endoscopy nurses. He mentioned that there aren't that many trained Endoscopy nurses in the world and that in time to come, we may actually be in high demand. No wonder he seemed a little taken aback when I said that I may not have much in the way of career advancement in my chosen area because it's so specialised.

All in all, life at the moment seems like a ship that hasn't reached its final destination but is just cruising along until it find a port it likes. But at least I'm gonna go on holiday soon!

CANNOT. WAIT. 10 APRIL.

don't shoot me, Santa

2010-12-12T21:36:00.004+08:00

My basic peri-operative course is nearly coming to an end but these last two weeks will be the worst. Each day in the OT is agony; I'm literally counting down the days till the 24th, which is when my blasted course will end and all my assignments handed in. I still have to make up one day though cos I took an MC. It's so not fair, I'm bloody entitled to 14 days of MC, aren't I? They should have a leeway of one to two days of sick leave! It's easy for the other staff to make up the days cos they're all from DSOT or MOT but I have to leave my department one person short when I make up the day.

I don't know why I'm putting so much pressure on myself to do well. It's not like in school where it's a must to get good grades so you'll get a better job. I guess it's because some people are aware of where I'm from and I feel like I have something to prove. Especially after one of the Senior Staff Nurses was telling everyone within earshot about how I'm on the path to becoming an Assistant Director of Nursing and whatnot. Even the surgeon was looking curiously at me! In my mind, I was mentally screaming at her to "Shut the hell up, you stupid woman!" I was seething after that because as much as it's a good thing to have a degree and all, I'm afraid that people will have pre-conceived notions of me, which I definitely don't want, especially in an industry where most people graduate with a diploma.

I start my Orthopaedics posting tomorrow and then the week after is my stint in O&G. I'm absolutely terrified of Ortho surgeons, thanks to all the horror stories I've heard. Every day I hope and pray that I escape unscathed. It doesn't help that I know very little about bones and the lecturer for that module was quite shitty. I'm of the opinion that she gave very little consideration to the fact that I was the only non-OT-trained staff in the course. It's a mean thing to say but probably her mind was on what eyeshadow would match her outfit the next morning. No doubt she's very knowledgeable or she wouldn't be where she is but she simply sucks at teaching.

I hate the fact that I was thrown into the OT with a steep learning curve to tackle. Although, I must admit, if the course was any longer, I think I'll have a mental breakdown. I know it's the terrible outlook that I have that's probably causing me half my misery and I try to have positive thinking to start the day off but it's hard. However, I chose to attend this and I will get through it. I keep reminding myself that I've faced worse and that another two weeks is but a minute in my life. It's just that I think that putting myself through the postings of the different disciplines is completely unnecessary and a waste of resources because the very basics of what I learnt in the course is sufficient for my department.

But if it gets me an extra $50 in my paycheck every month, then what the heck. I mean, this hell has to come to an end some time right?

2010-10-09T21:41:00.002+08:00

Sister is releasing the Leave Request book for next year on Monday but I'm going for the OT course! *wails* Even though she says it's not on a first-come-first-serve basis, I still feel a bit bad for putting my name when I already see 3 people scheduling for that week. Normally, the exact dates I take my annual leave (AL) wouldn't matter but this time, I have big plans: I intend to be in either England or America for the release of Deathly Hallows Part 2!! Ideally, I would like to be there for the premiere when all the stars attend (I might see JK Rowling herself!) but I don't know when that is. Halimah says it's usually a week before but I hope not cos I probably won't be there on 8th July. Thus, timing is crucial and I'm going to just repress whatever consideration I have for other people and just book it for when I want it.

I'm gangsta like that.

house of cards in a hurricane

2010-09-19T03:22:00.003+08:00

I felt the urge to blog so here I am, giving the small to non-existent population of readers an unnecessary update on my life.

Work has been going okay though I feel that my brain cells are rotting because I'm forgetting everything I learnt in 3 years of very expensive tuition. However, there aren't many opportunities for critical thinking at work or it could be that I just haven't noticed any. More likely it's the latter; I'm not exactly the sharpest tool in the box. I am happy to report, though, that my cannulation success rate has improved drastically from when I first started. I was hopeless back then cos even the easy veins would bump on me! And it dawned on me that the technique they taught was more difficult to execute than the one I'm using now, which is probably unorthodox but it gets the job done so whatever. I even managed to cannulate a renal patient's vein and theirs are known to be notoriously small. *pats self on the back*

NUH has also come up with a mentor programme to "further develop our potential". I'm really glad that NUH has an interest in us and takes the effort to set up such an initiative, making me glad I chose this hospital but sometimes I'm just so lazy to do all the required nonsense. Then I get annoyed with myself for thinking this way cos I do realise what an incredible opportunity I have to be successful and there's actually going to be Yoda-esque figure to guide me and explore the limits of what I can achieve. That's more than what I could ever ask for and here I am, throwing it all away, despite all that's happened. Currently, my biggest dilemma is choosing a mentor because I don't have a clear goal in mind. I wish I could get my act together already.

What's making my little head worry even more is the fact that I'm going down to the operating theatre soon to learn how to create and maintain a sterile environment. I'm not looking forward to it because I detest the OT. I don't like the staff and I don't really like the elitist culture that I perceive they have. It doesn't help that the surgeons and nurses tend to scold a lot and I haven't developed an elephant-like skin to withstand all that. My solution is to suck up more to the surgical team. It's something that I despise doing but I see it as a necessary evil to avoid more embarrassment in the theatre. I really should change my outlook on this and see it as a fresh start, instead of worrying about my potential mistakes. Positive thinking is half the battle won, right? Plus passing the course will give me a slight increase in salary :)

As for my colleagues, let's just say that I don't get along with all of them. Even the ones I thought I was okay with, I found out that they've been badmouthing me behind my back. Like, whut? And how in the world do you work with someone who always has a black face and doesn't talk to you? It makes the day so unpleasant. Granted her work is almost flawless but that doesn't give her the right to be such a bitch when a mistake is made. It makes me all the more want to catch her in her mistake and, if I had the guts, to tell her "Hey you make errors too so can you not be so hard on other people?" I don't know why I'm so afraid to let her know what I really think, maybe it's the fact that I hate confrontations. Oh well, I'm not going to stay there forever anyway but I have to stop people from bullying me too much and I think I'm just not going to say anything to people who irritate me.

So in a nutshell, aside from my holiday in Greece which was a good escape, my life is just so-so.

hocus pocus

2010-04-30T21:53:00.004+08:00

I think I am downright cursed.

I feel like almost every time something big happens, I am involved. The frustrating part is, most of the time it is NOT MY FAULT. But I guess what Nicole says is also right: I'm sure other people make mistakes too but it's probably not known. I can definitely testify to that for I've seen it with my own (myopic) eyes and heard it with my own ears. Don't get me wrong though, I haven't killed a patient neither have I come close to doing so. These incidents are more PR-related, fortunately.

And I'm wondering if the reason I'm making so many blunders is the fact that I'm new to the job or am I just careless? I've come to the conclusion that it's a combination of factors. I've only been 9 months into the workforce and yes, sometimes I don't think before acting, not really carelessness per se.

I'm getting a case of "What the hell am I doing with my life?" -itis again. Can I really see myself doing this for the next 10 years? At the rate it's going, it's a definite No.

my job is, unfortunately, just that.

2010-03-14T00:51:00.004+08:00

Reading previous entries on the woes of my academic life and the horrors I went through during attachments made me think about where I am now and whether or not I am happy.

I guess I'm satisfied that I managed to land a job in the health care sector that gives me sort-of regular hours and public holidays off plus overtime pay. It's not the ideal starting point though, because Endoscopy is rather specialised but at least I'm not that afraid of going to work. You see, one of my very biggest fears is harming a patient. One time, I was so scared that I couldn't sleep well for two nights. Then I had giddiness on the second morning, and the doctor gave me lorazepam, an anti-anxiety drug, to help me calm my nerves and to sleep better.

The other fear is disappointing myself and my parents. In one entry I said I was terrified of what my father would say if I didn't become a nurse in the end cos I was this close to throwing in the towel. I realise that I didn't have to be because all he cares about is whether I'm doing fine. Thank you God, for giving me such wonderful parents.

Lastly, the nursing higher-ups met up with me shortly after I joined NUH to discuss my decision of going straight to a centre instead of starting out in the wards. I haven't told very many people this, and I'm quite sure even after posting, only like two more will know :) in a nutshell, they weren't too happy about it because I wasn't going to get enough general experience and go through the suffering that all new nursing graduates go through. I tried explaining that taking care of 8-12 patients just didn't work for me and shift hours were tiring. I needed the regular hours in order to function properly and of course, I wanted my work-life balance. They told me to reconsider my decision and I did, but in the end I refused their offer to let me go to the ward. My Transition to Practice posting sealed that deal for me, I was utterly miserable and depressed for the entire one month. They asked what was my plan for the next five years and I told them that I wanted to go into the managerial side and that was it. I think they were a little disappointed with my answer cos I'm sure they expected a typical response like "Be the Director of Nursing!" but sorry, I'm not an ambitious person. As long as I have food on the table and adequate savings for the parentals, I'm good.

As Kelly once told me, "Don't care what other people say. Just do what you want to do." She's absolutely right, it's MY life and mine to screw up. Yes Endoscopy is narrow and maybe I won't learn as much, but who says that I want to be a nurse forever anyway? I never was one to stay in something for too long.

And so, I guess I'm happy-ish. For now.

just enjoy the show

2010-02-06T23:44:00.004+08:00

I really can't stand doctors who have no hesitation and all the patience in the universe to teach other doctors, yet don't have an iota of tolerance to bear with new nurses. I find it so disgusting and hypocritical that sometimes I just want to tell them, "We also need the practice. If you can put up with junior doctors, surely you can put up with junior nurses." After all, I think most people would judge others by how they treat those below them and not by how they treat their equals. Though they probably don't give a hoot about what others think of them since they're already big-shot consultants.

The SMU band concert is on Friday and I'm rather disappointed that I won't be able to make it. A few of my favourite pieces will be in the repertoire and I was looking forward to listening to another band perform them, instead of being part of the band that's playing them. I've tried being all optimistic and telling myself that I'm saving money but that was a total bust. Optimism is useless when they're going to be playing Phantom and Persis!

I thought I'd be able to swap shifts with someone but since I'm working 11-8pm that Friday, I'm quite sure no one will want to change with me. I'm a bit fed up that I seem to be the one who is always willing to exchange shifts but when I want to do so, no one suitable will swap with me. Though I can understand why, I just feel kind of used in a way. Oh well, I always try to tell myself to be nice to everyone and just stay out of all the politicking. (Is politicking even a word?)

Since I mentioned the politics, god it's awful. It's a dirty word, that. Though I'm sure it's the same everywhere, I still detest it. I try to stay out of it but I can't help being swept up in it a little. There are always whispers floating around and people bitching about each other from time to time. Plus I found out that people actually tattle on each other! Or maybe it's only that one person. And note to self: DO NOT rely on first impressions, you're usually more wrong than right. I think I'm too naive and not cynical enough in the workplace. I guess it's probably all to do with survival of the fittest and climbing that damn ladder.

Okay I realised this entry is as random as the things that happen to Arthur Dent in Hitchhiker's but I'm too lazy to edit.

2010-01-03T00:56:00.003+08:00

After hunting for so long for nice blogskins that don't work, I gave up and chose one of the templates from Blogger, something I should have done ages ago, only I actually forgot that Blogger has these things. At least, it's better than staring at "fedoragirl's account has been inactive for 90 days".

I really wish I had the artistic eye and talent with Photoshop to create awesome skins but sadly, I'm not blessed with the instinct of what goes well with what. Neither do I have the patience to painstakingly mix and match to find out what looks good. Hence, I end up asking a friend to design one for me or resort to blogskins.com. Sad, really.

In case anyone is dying to know, I spent New Year's eating fried chicken, fries, mussels cooked with a WHOLE block of butter, pasta with cream sauce and satay with pieces of fat. And then I went out to spend money. If this is an indication of how the rest of the year's going to be, I'm going to be fat and broke. But at least, my friends will be too HAHA. Misery loves company, you know.

like molecules in a pressurised can

2009-11-09T21:42:00.004+08:00

The cutest little 4-year-old boy just became my new neighbour but the sad thing is I still do not know his name.

Last last week was my worst week ever at work, thanks to a doctor who cannot seem to wait and a naggy, makcik nurse who irritated the hell outta me. But I hope that since it didn't kill me, it made me stronger.

Two of my closest colleagues quit within the week so that translates to I have to buck up and learn faster. One is going to study overseas (the lucky bitch) and another is migrating to Canada (the luckier bitch). One problem: I can't learn faster cos I am just SLOW, but I have no idea why people keep saying I'm a quick study. I feel like my learning pace is moving at glacial speed.

I have to only work 3 days this week cos the rest of it I'm on Annual Leave, hurray! Talking about Annual Leave, I really hope to be able to go on holiday next year and maybe do some volunteer work. I'm considering Habitat for Humanity but I'll have to do more research first.

I feel like I've entered the Philippines whenever I step into the centre and it doesn't help when they all jabber away in Tagalog but at least, now I understand why there are so many of them.

One question always eats away at me these past few days: Can I survive and thrive?

Remember the day when you were so determined to learn to ride a bicycle, you did it in one evening? Where's that girl gone? Unfortunately, I have no answer.

what to do with my millions

2009-10-18T14:45:00.000+08:00

I kept dreaming about the day when I'm finally going to get my first pay cheque in the form of an electronic bank transfer so that I can do what I want with it. My wish list started small: an iPhone and probably hair highlights. I was thinking blue but I don't think the hospital would take too kindly to that so maybe red.

Then one by one my footwear started giving way and I'm down to two, maybe three, pairs of what I deem are wearable. Of course I still have my heels but they're not for everyday use. I end up trying to find clothes that can match my shoes, instead of the other way around like normal people, so I think I can conclude that I am officially in a shoe crisis.

God, I sound like a dumb blonde on MTV.

Also, every sane girl needs her clothes. The hospital doesn't allow us to wear our uniforms to work hence I need more clothes! So much for not having the headache of thinking what to wear every day.

A new digicam is also in order. My old one is working fine but I NEED higher megapixels and one that can change ISO settings.

Since my laptop seems to be giving me signs that it might take its last breath soon, I have to get an external hard drive to back up my photos and music (when I finally get around to downloading a respectable amount).

Plus, I wanna get a pet baby giraffe, go into space and buy everyone a hot fudge sundae with sprinkles and whipped cream. None of that maraschino cherry nonsense though, can't stand those things.

Of course, the last paragraph is not true and was only added in because I realised my list sounded so boring, it'd put the dead to sleep.

So now I've gotten a little bit of my millions and I can only cross out one thing on the list: the phone. How sad is that?

Don't answer that question, please.

hear the sound of a love so loud

2009-09-28T01:28:00.013+08:00

What a weekend! Nope, not really because of F1 cos the race was sorta boring, but because I caught NICK CARTER'S T-SHIRT!

Here's the proof:

Ta-dah!

Actually I brought home only half of it but that part comes later. I can't quite believe it really but maybe it'll sink in tomorrow. You know, I was always one of those girls who wished and wished that I was the one who caught whatever the boys threw but I never was because I just wasn't near enough. Well, not this time! The damn t-shirt was coming right over my head and I stretched out to grab it, sort of stumbled backwards and hung onto it for dear life. Unfortunately, so was this other girl from Indonesia. The surrounding people were looking at us in a very amused and, I'd like to think, envious, fashion haha. Flashbulbs started popping and I felt like a D-list celebrity.

I begged her to give it to me but of course, being a fan, she wouldn't so we agreed to cut the prized possession in half. I can solemnly swear that I caught it but oh well, better half than nothing. Then, like, a million people wanted to take a photo with it and some started smelling it. I thought it'd smell like, you know, sweat but very strangely, it smelled like detergent. Nick sweats detergent! As Arisya says, then he probably farts rainbows and burps perfume.

We went on a scissors hunt after the chaos died down and some kebab stall lent us theirs, after first making sure we weren't going to use it to cut up the person who got the shirt into little pieces. I kid.

It's like I waited my whole life, for this one night.

Once again, I feel obliged to give my thanks to someone who'll never see it. She's an old schoolmate of ours and without her, I wouldn't have been screaming and jumping like a maniac and thoroughly embarrassing myself on 27 Sept 2009. So thank you, Saerah and boyfriend, for being too cool to watch the Backstreet Boys and lending us your passes.

We've now watched them in concert for 3 consecutive years! I really don't know what to say because I'm like 22, my generation has moved on to bands like Simple Plan and whatnot, and here I am: screaming like a 15-year-old and still harbouring a secret hope that one day, I'll get to see them live in the US, preferably Orlando, their hometown.

One last childish dig at 'NSync: To my knowledge, BSB has never been accused of and proven to be lip-syncing. Hah!

KTBPA.

2009-09-20T23:40:00.005+08:00

"Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G. K. Chesterton

I've come to the end of my first week of being "gainfully employed", as Jaden would say. It wasn't so bad, but mainly because I'm certain that the staff are taking things really slowly with me. I'm not sure if this is a good thing because it probably lulls me into a false sense of belief that I can actually do this but I guess it's better than hitting me with the hard truths from the get-go.

I really like the environment of the clinic though there are few nurses who are around the same age. Talking about age, apparently I look older than I am! So far, no one's been able to guess my correct age and most of them are at least 2 years off. GAH. Anyhoo, the environment's great because it's like a minor operating theatre so I wear a gown nearly all the time. Thus at the end of the day, I feel rather clean and not grimy at all. Yet at the same time, it's not so sterile that I have to be conscious of every move I make lest I get contaminated by germs. Did I also mention that the place is air-conditioned? :) and I haven't even said the best part yet: I actually get home at a reasonable hour because there's no shift work!

It helps that my preceptor's extremely nice and get this, she's a mother and a freakin' Twilight fan! Instant connection haha. She's from the Philippines and so are half the staff, I think. I feel a little like an outsider when they all get together in the lunch room but it's my fault too since most of the time I prefer to keep to myself and read. It's not that they don't try to include me in some of their conversation, but honestly, I just haven't clicked with anyone so far and so haven't felt the desire to mingle much. I feel like a big fake when I talk to them. It might be because I still feel like I'm a student and they are my superiors rather than my colleagues. I shall have to get used to the fact that I'm now on the same level as most of them.

Other than that, I'm familiarising myself with the layout and routine of the clinic. I've managed to participate in two common procedures and gotten to know some of the doctors. No good-looking, young ones so far (BOOO) but one of them has made quite an impression on me with his distinguished looks and the way he carries himself.

All in all, it's been a more eventful first week than most of my hospital attachments. On the first day, a patient fell in the toilet and had to go for surgery. THANK GOD I wasn't the nurse in charge of her. We also found one of the cleaners asleep and snoring in the toilet-with-a-bed. He was dead to the world! We knocked and called out, worrying that it was a patient inside and when we finally managed to unlock the door, he still didn't wake up! I assume he was fired or suspended because I didn't see him any more. And the grand finale: some unmarried dude in his 60s, who was hard of hearing, kept asking us to give him a kiss and displayed the family jewels when I was helping him in the toilet. Can I say Eeeew?

I really hope that I'll be happy here and be able to face whatever adversities that might come my way. Especially that little matter of being on-call in a year's time but I'll scale that wall when I come to it.

On the other (powder-free latex-gloved) hand, here's the latest New Moon trailer. Love the wolf pack and Jacob's totally burnin up the screen.

Happy birthday, Kang Hao.

days of my (non-existent) life

2009-09-06T17:47:00.006+08:00

My ass is getting bigger and bigger as each new day passes. Blame it on the TV shows, the non-stop guzzling and the fact that I still am not working.

It was discussed that I would probably commence on 1st or 7th Sept but it's now the 6th and I haven't even been able to collect my work permit yet. Tentatively I might be beginning on 14th Sept. This means that I'll miss the hospital orientation that Joey is going for which greatly saddens me cos I'll have to go by myself for the October one. No friendly faces on the first day! HOW?

But let us leave the burdens of the working world behind because I'm about to share with you how productive I've been during my Lazy Month! I've finished Lost and Ugly Betty, like FINALLY, and started on How I Met Your Mother which is hi... wait for it ...larious. Hell's Kitchen 6 is also out so my daily dose of expletives and food is taken care of. Then of course there's the almighty cable tv so I've been gorging on food shows, cartoons, crime shows and E! News.

I do get tired of the gogglebox sometimes, which is not unexpected for someone who stays at home and watches it for half a day so I then turn to books to keep me occupied. The Marine Parade Library has an on-going auction thingamajig where you use books as points to bid for - what else? - book hampers so I've been borrowing hardcovers and paperbacks on a regular basis. I'm sure there are those disgusting people that borrow and shortly after, return the books just to get the points and I have toyed with the idea but decided I wanted to win fair and square.

I've realised that this is the only activity that doesn't eat up a single cent as (a) I walk to the library and back so I don't spend on transport and God knows I need the exercise, and (b) I don't use up any electricity cos I read by the window (no need for lights!) and a constant gentle breeze keeps me cool (no need for a fan!). I feel awesome whenever I read because it means I don't have to ask my mother for money, which I absolutely hate, especially now when I'm just lying around.

When words start swimming, I then look to the online community to entertain me. Blogs, Facebook, Twitter, online contests, etc. I'm trying to participate in whatever contest I can find in the hopes of winning something and selling it off to get me extra moolah. I've also gone back to free downloadable Yahoo! Games :\ I'm so embarrassed but seriously after a month of the above, you have to find new things to do.

I'm also concerned with the issue of my taking one too many deep breaths throughout the day. It starts as early as one hour after I wake up which is BAD. I have no idea what's wrong and can only guess that since I've not been resting well recently, my body is too tired to breathe at a normal rate and has to take deep yawns to compensate. I've never had to concentrate so hard on breathing, for God's sake.

So there you have it: the secret life of the Indonesian unemployed.

close my eyes and leap

2009-08-19T18:54:00.003+08:00

Edit: I was so engrossed in describing what I went through and what the job's all about, that I actually didn't say what I'm going to be working as! So anyway, I'm a nurse at the Endoscopy Clinic in NUH. I realised that it slipped my mind to ask if I was working on public holidays and I've already signed on the dotted line. I kinda just assumed that since I don't work on Sundays, public holidays were free too but in the health care industry, seriously you just never know.

After about a week of properly job-hunting, I managed to land one. It's really all thanks to Huishan and her sister-in-law so even though she doesn't read this, I still feel the need to show my appreciation so THANKS!

I was lost, aimless, clicking on ad after ad trying to find something that would suit my nature. Regular hours, something not too taxing and matched my qualifications; I wasn't that fussy, in my opinion. Sent out a few applications but got no call backs but it had only been a week anyway. Most companies need about 2 weeks probably, I rationalised.

Then Huishan referred me to her da sao who works for a recruitment company dealing with the NHG cluster. Within hours, an interview date was settled upon and after the meet-up, I was offered the job three hours later. All this before noon. I would be a fool not to take it so I accepted the same day.

The hours are rather long (nine, to be exact) and the job sounded tougher than expected but I guess the pay is commensurate with the job scope. Though if I were to minus the housing allowance (one perk of being an alien), my salary dwindles significantly. This will most likely happen if and when I get PR status here. I have to be on on-call duty as well when I start a second year in the clinic, something which scares me to no end but I'll convince myself to worry about that when the time comes. I suppose, like so many others, it's the fear of the unknown that will keep me awake.

But it's time to focus on the here and now.

I keep telling myself that if so many other people can do it, so can I. However, telling yourself is one thing, believing it is quite another.

I did it for you.

2009-08-12T17:15:00.004+08:00

We came but did not conquer.

Although we didn't achieve what we set out to do, I hope the friendships forged will be stronger than many of those found in hall because no committee, sport or cultural groups is quite like Rag. Many, including my own father, will say that I'm stupid and wasting my time, joining something after I've graduated but to these people I say: I have the rest of my life to work so why not let me finish up and enjoy my last school activity ever?

Rag 0910: Incandescence was one that was filled with much laughter, tears and memories that will stay with me for a long time.

My only regret? That I'm no longer in hall to see all of you on a regular basis any more.

Master of my fate, captain of my soul

2009-07-11T22:24:00.010+08:00

Nope, I'm not dead after eating "vanilla ice-cream with raspberries and blueberries between two chocolate brownies". For those who don't know about thisiswhyyourefat.com, please check it out. Some of the food may revolt you, some will make you go "Oooh that actually sounds rather good" (like the one above) but most will probably get you thinking about whether people actually eat the stuff.

Anyway, this is for the few people vaguely interested in an update about my life. I AM GRADUATING. Yes, D-day for me is finally here. Well, not here here, but on Tuesday.

I don't quite feel it yet, mostly because I'm participating in Rag 0910. The next logical question would then be why I'm still in hall slaving away for the 8th of August. And my answer to that logical question would be simply because I'd like to be there at the SRC, feeling the adrenaline rush and the rollercoaster of emotions. Besides, this is the last time I'm going to be standing in a sea of friends, hoping and praying for the same thing, cheering like a maniac if we win and supporting each other if we don't. It helps that doing this makes me forget that I'm no longer a student but an adult about to step into the working world, something which honestly scares the hell outta me.

So, of course now I'm job hunting, sorta. As much as I'm ashamed to admit, I don't have much ambition regarding work. I just want something that will provide my daily bread and enough dough to support my parents.

I've already completely ruled out working in the wards and am now looking at outpatient clinics and other nine-to-five gigs, which may or may not be related to the healthcare sector. I honestly didn't realise how bloody tiring shift work would be and as superficial as it may sound, I didn't like the toll it took on my social life. I mean, I want my evenings free to spend time with friends and dammit, I want my public holidays whenever everyone else gets them. I like being normal and not working from 10pm till 7am the next day, thank you very much.

Le sigh. I joined nursing because I wanted to help disaster victims, as cliched as that may sound. Somewhere along the way, I've lost sight of that and unlike Carlos Solis, never regained my vision back. I still do want to aid others - I have this dream of sponsoring an Indian slum kid's education - but I honestly don't think I'll be doing that as a professional in white.

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me
Black as the Pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

- William Ernest Henley

romeo save me

2009-06-13T21:53:00.001+08:00

Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones.
And I will try to fix you.

2009-05-26T20:51:00.001+08:00

"Well, this listening ear is worth it..."

One of the nicest things said to me EVER. Thank you :)

2009-05-23T19:13:00.005+08:00

There was a man of double deed,
Who sowed his garden full of seed;
And when the seed began to grow,
It was like a garden full of snow;
And when the snow began to fall,
It was like a bird upon a wall;
And when the bird away did fly,
It was like an eagle in the sky;
And when the sky began to roar,
It was like a lion at the door;
And when the door began to crack,
It was like a stick across your back;
And when your back begins to smart,
It's like a knife stabbed in your heart;
And when your heart begins to bleed,
You're dead, you're dead, you're dead indeed!

It was SO good to get away for a while; to make a choice to be unreachable and not care about the world I left behind. Bali was a blast and I hope to go back again someday to climb Gunung Batur and catch the sunrise.

that's the way the noise begun

2009-05-17T21:24:00.005+08:00

The other day I was in the library when something on display caught my eye. No, it wasn't Diary of a Wimpy Kid (which I want to read, though it's a children's book) nor the latest installment of the Shopaholic series (if there's ever going to be one). It was a little fish tank set up by the students of VJC and in it were corals, anemones and little clownfish, if I remember rightly.

It's apparently some marine biology elective offered by VJ. There were other programmes too, like Discovering Psychology and fashion,...and I can't recall the rest. Whatever they were, all of them sounded really exciting and how I wish that I had the opportunity to take part in some of them. It's great that kids nowadays have all sorts of interesting electives because at least they'll have a better idea of what they'd like to study in the university cos 19 is kinda young to be choosing your life path, you know? Especially those who haven't wanted to become a doctor or a lawyer or an architect all their lives.

Aside from that little tidbit, here's another. I would love to visit this place in Tocantins, Brazil:

That, my friends, is no ordinary pool. It is what the Brazilians call a fervedouro and it is VERY cool. You basically cannot submerge in a fervedouro no matter how hard you try because an underground spring creates the phenomenon of upwelling. You'll never feel the bottom either and all you get is a feeling of real lightness.

Toldja it was cool.

My little old man and I fell out;
I'll tell you what 'twas all about,
I had money and he had none,
And that's the way the noise begun.

2009-04-20T22:52:00.002+08:00

I didn't sign up for this, the pressure, the stress and always being on your toes. I kept telling myself that it would get better but it hasn't.

How did I get myself into such a terrible mess? Why do I feel like this is the worst decision I've ever made? Why was I so idealistic? Why didn't someone stop me?

Only questions, but no replies. I need someone to tell me.

Worn out places, worn out faces

2009-04-09T23:09:00.003+08:00

I'm floored at how some people can have so little class and tact. Discussing grievances on a public space like Facebook is hardly going to solve anything yet let readers have the mistaken impression of the person/people you're verbally attacking, cos guess what? They only know one side of the story: yours.

The accused probably decided to take the high road and let it be whilst you carry on making fools of yourselves.

Astonishing really, what some people are like when they're all smiles in front of you.

2009-04-07T09:34:00.002+08:00

A few minutes ago, I didn't know what to do with myself. I feel trapped, more stressed out than ever before and banging my head over the path I've chosen. Fate and destiny hold no water here.

I now have a plan of action for the time being. Finish up these 3 weeks, work my ass off for my remaining assignments and exams then probably talk to someone regarding the rest of my life.

Working like this for the next 3 years is simply unthinkable at this point.

2009-04-04T02:46:00.003+08:00

I've had just about enough of this. All of it's not going to matter when I graduate. I don't know why I even bother sometimes. I wish I had no more unfinished business.

There are much more important things and people in my life.

2009-03-27T16:25:00.003+08:00

I don't think I can do Emergency nursing.

Though I found this week rather interesting due to the variety of cases that came in, I'm quite sure I don't have the head for A&E. Everything just moves too damn fast! The adrenaline rush that comes with it is rather great, though, and it's almost impossible to feel tired during shift which means my mind is awake all the time.

BUT I can't do it because I tend to panic in these situations when there's no one to guide me. I start to lose my head and what happens? I do something that can affect the patient's life and the thought of that simply petrifies me.

I should just get out of the hospital altogether.

A patient died today. He was 25. Please don't ever learn to ride a motorcycle.

John Williams is the man

2009-03-25T21:01:00.001+08:00

Another entertaining video to get you through another mundane day:

Thinspiration

2009-03-17T21:11:00.003+08:00

I used to staunchly defend Nick when he was overweight while secretly thinking that yah, he does look kinda fat.

Well I don't have to any more. Just look at the photo! And no, it's not photoshopped.

And his appearance on Ellen!

*sigh* hotness personified.

Black Friday

2009-03-13T22:36:00.007+08:00

I've been up for 30 hours and counting, excluding the oh-so-brief nap I took when I came back and collapsed into bed.

The reason for this torturing of self? That blasted case study which I've already handed in.

I realised that it all actually boils down to NYC. If I hadn't come back late, I would have done my Obs posting with everyone else. If I had finished my Obs posting, I wouldn't have to make it up during my valuable Recess Week. If I was free during Recess Week, I probably would have done a bang-up job of the assignment.

But NO. Instead I think I've submitted a bad piece of work which is not going to help me appeal for Honours.

BUT if you ask me if all the suffering was worth it for the trip to NYC, I think I would say yes, it was :) maybe not worth it if I had to sacrifice an extra year in school though.

Btw, I've found a new food blog! The author is Teo Pau Lin, one of the Sunday Times food correspondents and boy, does she bake well. Most of the time anyway. I love her writing style too and her husband's photos are simply gorgeous.

Eat it up at crummb.wordpress.com

I WANNA GO TO AUSTRALIA TOO!

Hopefully, I can comfort myself with saving up for an iPhone. Oh, who am I kidding?

Warmed up like biscuits

2009-03-09T00:34:00.002+08:00

Okay, this JT and Beyonce skit is really old but still hilarious. Click on the link to watch, I promise you won't regret it.

http://huskergirl.multiply.com/video/item/143

If you think you have it bad, visit this website: http://www.fmylife.com/
And if you know you've got it worse, well then post up your story!

Some snipppets:

Today I got my first tattoo. It was a surprise for my fiance: our names together over a heart. I went home but before I could show him, he said we had to have a 'talk'. Now my ex's name is tattooed on my back. The kicker? Turns out I'm allergic to the ink. FML

Today I was looking at some comments on a silly Youtube video of me dancing with some friends. Someone posted a comment saying "Girl on the right is hottt."Next to that, it had about 31 thumbs down. I'm the girl on the right. FML

2009-02-28T15:44:00.002+08:00

Judge Jillian: You are hereby sentenced to a make-up posting during your (precious, need-to-catch-up-on-sleep) Recess Week.

Defendant: *grumbles to self* so not fair. School was supposed to start on 12th January what...

So I've finally finished my 5-day sentence.

The crime: not returning on time from holiday.

Yes, because I planned to return on 7th Jan from NYC, I missed my Obstetrics posting and had to make it up during Recess Week. Thus now I'm really tired and don't really have a chance to rest properly before I'm back to school. Doesn't help that I had to keep returning to hall, which is one hour away by bus, for something or another.

Sigh, such is life. If I get through this sem with an increased CAP, it'll be a miracle.

2009-02-25T16:30:00.001+08:00

I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins,
Spotlight on me and I'm ready to break.

i love this record baby, but i can't see straight anymore

2009-02-15T19:35:00.005+08:00

Well, at least now I can firmly say I don't like pub crawls.

The Boogie Bus (or Boogie Bust/Boobie Bus/Booger Bus, take your pick) Pub Crawl was...interesting. But since I don't drink much (I had just one vodka-7-up and a tequila shot), I didn't find it very fun. The only saving graces: the view of the city from the Marina Barrage, the hot angmoh guys and having supper at Boon Tong Kee.

Even getting entry into the supposedly-very-exclusive Mimolette near the Old Turf Club didn't do anything for me. The dance floor had no air-conditioning so everyone was hot and sticky and the coupons for the one-for-one drinks had apparently run out.

Okay so I Googled Mimolette and apparently it's more of a restaurant than a club and now that I think about it, a bell rings somewhere in the recesses of my head. I Google some more and yes of course, I've read about it in the Sunday Times.

So since I've digressed to food, Boon Tong Kee's chicken rice is so good! The chicken melts in your mouth and the rice is very fragrant. Yum, yum! At any rate, no matter how the rest of the night was, I went home full and satisfied.

live every second like it was my last one

2009-02-05T17:55:00.004+08:00

Today was just one of those days where I actually enjoyed my lessons.

My first knowledge-drilling session was learning about substance and behavioural addictions. The lecturer was entertaining and intelligent as well as humorous and full of funny anecdotes about his patients. We learnt how to "chase the dragon" as they say in druggie-speak, why people drink up to 11 (!) bottles of cough syrup and even why some are addicted to sex.

Had a 3 hour break which was somewhat unproductive then attended my skills lesson where I gave my muscles a good stretch.

Well, we were actually supposed to be learning how to teach patients to destress by using breathing techniques, passive-aggressive relaxation and stretching. It was quite fun and I heard some people even fell asleep. Unfortunately, I didn't.

My teacher also related to us a rather creative way to commit suicide. Apparently a nurse in her home country injected potassium chloride into her vein. One heart attack later, she was dead.

Amazing what kids learn in school nowadays.

2009-01-21T17:04:00.005+08:00

Edit: I'm so traumatised that it's been more than one hour since I've gotten back and I haven't checked Facebook.

*flipping out!*

My handphone bill for last month is a bomb! I've never seen such a long bill before. I just thank God I wasn't at home when my mother opened the letter. She was so angry she hung up after telling me the amount and obviously I got the shock of my life.

Looks like my supposedly smart plan of getting a calling card backfired. Apparently they're charging me for calling the USA every time I used the damn thing. And I called A LOT, thinking it was cheaper and still marvelling at the fact that after 8 days of usage we only used up about USD$4.

I am so dead.

I need to eat.

believe me, i'm trying to move on

2009-01-14T22:40:00.004+08:00

"Radcliffe appears on Conan O'Brien show."

Daniel Radcliffe last night made an appearance on NBC's Conan O'Brien show, where he talked about Equus, among other things.

OH MAN! We could've gotten Dan Radcliffe but we got Benicio del Toro and Sarah Chalke. Well ok Sarah was quite funny but Daniel Radcliffe!

I kind of regret not waiting outside Broadhurst theatre on Sunday night to get his autograph but if I had, I probably would have been falling asleep every half an hour the next day.

New York's Heart

2009-01-09T15:10:00.004+08:00

The trip was made out of awesomeness. With great company in the city that never sleeps, it's nigh impossible not to have the time of my life.

What made spending about $3K worthwhile:

1. The famed New Year's Eve countdown in Times Square where I was freezing, but Lionel Richie waved to us and we saw Jo Bros, Taylor Swift and Ludacris perform

2. Waking up to snow on New Year's Eve morning and going out to catch snowflakes in our pyjamas and coats

3. Having lunch at 3-Michelin-star Le Bernardin (and thoroughly embarrassing my dining companion with my complete lack of etiquette, I'm sure)

4. Upskirting Lady Liberty whose real name is Liberty Enlightening the World

5. Watching Equus on Broadway, with tickets bought at 50% off the actual price

6. The museums that are simply Wow

7. Seeing the skyscrapers being dwarfed by the Empire State Building; it was so tall I can swear we were in the clouds.

8. Sitting in on a live taping of Late Night with Conan O'Brien. Also went on a tour of the NBC Studio, home of Friends and Saturday Night Live!

Things which Singapore should implement:

1. Not honking at pedestrians (really, I didn't hear a single honk unless the pedestrian was really reckless and even then, the drivers try not to)

2. In restaurants, everyone at the table should be served at the same time; we didn't have to wait at all over there for each other as is the norm here

3. Unlimited MRT rides. I paid US$25 for an unlimited one-week Metro card and it's so worth it. Plus it's a flat rate of US$2 per trip! To anywhere!

4. 24-hr MRT service! You want to have a vibrant night-life? Give us a better public transport system that doesn't involve taking a cab.

Things that can stay in NY and never make an appearance here:

1. The freaking make-my-ears-freeze wind.

2. The labyrinthine subway stations

I'm obviously stalling putting up the photos cos I'm really lazy to organise them but I will, eventually.

a hole in my soul

2008-12-25T09:47:00.006+08:00

These are the things that are going to keep me entertained while I am stuck in transit at Pudong International Airport cos I heard there's NOTHING to do over there.

1. Playing stupid games and trying in vain to beat ridiculously astronomical scores. They include, but aren't limited to, Geo Challenge, Word Challenge and whatever Yahoo! Games can throw at me.

2. Catching up on episodes of my favourite telly series: Heroes, Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives (incidentally, I found out that my uncle also watches it and I burst out laughing when he said so cos he's the absolute last person I would ever expect to follow it).

3. Starting on NEW (how exciting!) shows: Reaper and the famous zipcode 90210.

4. Reading my new - newly borrowed, that is - books: Artemis Fowl and the Time Paradox and The Kite Runner. I thought of bringing Brisingr but the damn book is hardcover and probably the weight of a small brick. Thanks Sherman for the perfect Christmas presents!

5. ~~Use Pudong's wireless access to download songs and stuff.~~ I fear arrest.

6. Maybe fit in a little research on the climate change paper I persuaded Eng Hooi to do with me, which I haven't done anything for *guilty look*

Things I will not be doing because I need a visa due to the fact that most countries think my people are terrorists and/or my corrupt government refuses to do something to make China give us a visa waiver:

1. Ride in a freaking bullet train.

2. Roam around Shanghai, which I heard is great.

3 more days! And I haven't even packed yet!

Okay, deep breath and relax.

2008-12-20T16:44:00.003+08:00

You'll never guess - not from the way I whine so much about my twice a year attachments - but I actually felt a twinge of sadness at my last day. Don't worry though, it was just a twinge :)

I'm telling you, it was probably the chubby adorable little babies that did it for me.

9 more days to New York City, baby!

not exactly my brand of heroin

2008-12-10T01:30:00.005+08:00

Arisya got freaking GALA PREMIERE tickets for Twilight, which she very kindly invited me for and of course, any Twi-hard would accept. Unfortunately, as much - and you have no idea how much - as I want to say the movie was excellent, it sadly was not.

Robert, while believably godly, doesn't do tense or intense well. His face just isn't made it for it. He looks a lot better when he's relaxed and smiling; I could've have just died in the cinema when he was smirking away in his ~~shades~~ wayfarers.

Kristen, on the other hand, isn't as fragile as I'd like her to be. Bella is usually scared to death and she shows it but has more than a few moments of courage, which make her endearing. Kristen doesn't show a lot of emotion and is too mellow.

Their off-screen chemistry is beyond wonderful but it doesn't really show on-screen, though it was good enough I suppose.

I didn't really like Hardwicke's directing style; too many close-up shots such that the actor's face fills up the entire screen so I felt quite uncomfortable watching it. Oh and the music, was ill-fitting for most scenes. Plus sparkling Edward looked weird :( but I would pay $9, or however much movie tickets cost now, to watch it just to see a 3D version of the story.

I can't wait for Jacob Black to turn things around in New Moon, after he cuts his stupid locks off.

Don't worry Robert, I still think you're awesome.

"Real vampires don't sparkle!" says a disgruntled Jaden.

Sandman

2008-11-25T15:38:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I dreamt that lil' old me had gotten myself some powers of deception; they were so impressive that they managed to fool the greatest Dark Wizard of modern times for oh, about 10 seconds.

Yes, Lord Voldemort was in my subconscious. What was even weirder was that he was battling Peter and Nathan Petrelli, you know the two brothers from Heroes.

Well of course the good guys won but I don't know how cos I was out of it. I honestly would've thought the Muggles didn't stand a chance, even Muggles who can fly and have a compilation of amazing "abilities".

Wizards vs Muggles: The Showdown
http://www.mugglenet.com/editorials/editorials/edit-taure02.shtml

Stress = mindless surfing

2008-11-25T04:29:00.002+08:00

For all you Garfield (or non-Garfield rather) fans out there:

http://garfieldminusgarfield.net/

2008-11-23T07:06:00.007+08:00

It's 7.06am on a Sunday morning and I haven't slept a wink.

My worries about our accommodation have me clicking on the website every 5 mins, anxiously waiting for an answer to my suggestion. The worst part is that I think the person I was liaising with has gone off from work and now I think I have to endure another 18hrs for him/her to read my message and reply. Even they even work on Sundays, if not add another day for me to fret about this.

No actually, the worst part is that my exam's in 3 days, I have this one semester to pull up my CAP to a respectable figure and here I am, worrying myself to death on where we're going to stay. This issue is eating away at me, so much so that none of the content on antenatal care is entering my small brain. I think the caffeine has something to do with my jitters as well.

I feel really bad for making Arisya, who's so scared for her exams which start on Monday, share my burden. I wish I could do everything myself, I really do. You have no idea how bad I feel about all this and I'm so very sorry, but thanks for listening :)

I'm so obsessed over this issue that earlier I turned off my slow-to-reboot laptop only to turn it on again after 15mins of trying to get to sleep but obviously not succeeding. Just look at what I'm doing now!

Oh please if there's a God, PLEASE accept my suggestion so I don't have to think about it any more.

The World is Just Awesome

2008-11-13T15:48:00.000+08:00

One of my favourite channel promotions:

there might be blood

2008-11-07T18:05:00.004+08:00

You think you can patronise me just because I'm young? I can take crap from my patients because I serve them but I sure don't have to take any from you, you stupid bitch. Just because I'm 21 doesn't mean I don't understand what you're saying. I know I don't have a lot of experience dealing with travel issues, but you don't have to keep saying "You don't understand me."

To comment that I'm rude and sarcastic was just adding fuel to my already raging fire. Granted I was less than happy about our situation because we were shelling out hard-earned money for something that wasn't our fault AT ALL but I didn't threaten to complain neither did I hurl abuse, I never used expletives or raised my voice and I didn't even ask to see your manager! If you didn't see sharp words and annoyed tones coming, then what did you expect? Sugary sweet customers who were ever so understanding about the situation? Please. This is hundreds of dollars we're talking about here, woman. And you even had the cheek to reply "Thank you" after I said I could say the same for you. Couldn't you see that you were being rude and sarcastic to a customer? On hindsight, I wish I hadn't responded the way I did, I wish I could've said "I'm sorry you think so but I don't mean to be." Why did I have to stoop down to your level?

Again this shows that you think you're superior to people younger than you. Would you have dared to say that to my mother? I doubt it.

In the end the issue was so simply resolved when a higher-up told you to change the date for us, which was what we were asking for all along! I don't see why you couldn't have double-checked when you could tell we were getting really pissed-off.

I detest it when people in the service industry think youths/young adults can be walked all over.

2008-11-06T14:09:00.003+08:00

I'm going to get a big fat C for my Clinical Decisions Making module.

Or so I thought.

Now, I think a D will be more appropriate. Could anything else have gone wrong in today's simulation exam? It is of course mostly my fault, as I didn't prepare well enough for the test, thinking wrongly that I had very little to study because it was mostly practical work. But I have no love for the module coordinator either for the way things were carried out.

70% of my grade screwed up. I don't feel so terrified about my other 30% but I think it's an illusion, designed to trick me into feeling a little better so I don't completely fall to pieces.

2008-11-03T23:31:00.005+08:00

"Some things must be seen to be believed..."
--------------------------------------------------------
Sean Bai's message to the raggers and non-raggers alike:

To the fortunate who ventured thus far,

It is too cliché to simply attribute the possibility of you chancing upon this webpage and our meeting here to fate. Instead, since you have come such a long way amidst your busy piles of deadlines, windows of entertainment and calls for commitment, why not take a little tour in our little portal?

What is RAG, you may ask? It has always been the greatest frustration of any ragger to put down into words, the motivation and driving force that sets our heart into cast as we step forth into this journey of self discovery.

Some describe RAG as an arduous yet meaningless waste of materials, time and energy, possibly a gargantuan façade meant to please the elites at the top, a show for the important people but definitely an economically unsound and socially irrational project. I DO NOT disagree. Not at all.
However, I beseech you to take a minute to listen to what I have to offer in retrospect.

How many of us have never done anything out of impulse? Where we have placed our hearts right in the driving seat, rather than our mind? How many times when we have done something driven by passion, by adrenaline, oblivious to the laughs and disapproval of those around us? How do we put a value to all that?

If we had led our lives based on economically maximizing values, life would probably have lost its purpose and meaning. If we had made friends according to their economical potential towards us, that would have been a transaction, not friendship. If we had bled and sweat for a project for the sake of the financial returns, that would be working, not experiencing. If we had dedicated time thinking about our future considering only our individual economical viability, that would be existing, not living. We pen the way we live - we live our lives our way.

Often, it has been these ‘silly’ choices which we made, that we truly treasure upon hindsight. The times when we were silly, the times when we committed our life to a mysterious future, the times when we truly believed in living for what we loved.

Now, you have that choice again. It is always easier to run away but we will never grow stronger when we don’t face the tribulations. It is always easier to be on the side of the laughing crowd. But let everyone laugh at us for being lost in our passion. We will laugh back at them for losing their passion. Years down the road, what will you hold dear? You decide.

RAG is not a 3-month long project. It is a lifelong commitment. Your heart stays and grows with it. Do not let the world petrify your heart. Faith is a weird thing. We commit our lives into the hands of the pilot who steers our plane, yet we do not have the faith to do something groundbreaking, the courage to leave a legacy. Stand up and make yourselves heard. We will narrate our own chronicles, compose our own melodies and indite our own ending. Our story will not be bovine. It will be an epic. Be part of our bestseller.
--------------------------------------------------------

As always, his words are truly inspirational.

"...some things have to be believed to be seen."

Lady with the Lamp

2008-10-29T20:52:00.003+08:00

Can I begin by saying how absolutely adorable babies are when they're sleeping in their little cots? You can stare at them for hours on end, admiring their teeny toes and fingers.

We were all ooh-ing and aah-ing today when some of my classmates and I visited the NUH nursery. I even got to carry one of them babies! Tried out what's called a "football hold" on the baby, which sounds like what it means. You tuck the baby under one arm like a football and support the head with your hand, clutch the body tightly like a handbag and you're good to go. It was really different from carrying the mannequin though cos for one, they're quite squirmy and I was afraid of squashing her but actually babies are much stronger than most of us realise.

Just like this:

We visited the O&G side as well and my my, are the delivery suites comfortable or what. They're class-less so no matter whether you're paying full or being subsidised, you still enjoy the same comforts when delivering. One of the suites even has a Jacuzzi-like bath tub inside! Of course, you pay about $100 more for it.

The technology's pretty impressive as well. They have a bed whose lower half can be detached, a warmer that regulates the surrounding temperature so that you don't get a baked baby, an incubator that minimises the risk of infection and so much more. We were all quite amazed by the end of the day.

Anyway here's something funny that one of my classmates blogged about but I think only fellow student nurses will understand.

Top 10 NANDA diagnoses for nursing students: (r/t means related to)

10. Fluid volume deficit r/t dehydrating effects of caffeine associated with increased student sightings at coffee bars.

9. Impaired social interactions r/t inappropriate topics of conversation associated with incessant discussions of bowel and bladder functions.

8. Sexual dysfunction r/t time constraints and stress-induced impotence associated with increased irritability of nursing students and their significant others.

7. Functional constipation r/t lack of time to go to the bathroom associated with moving at the speed of light and still not getting everything done.

6. Impaired skin integrity r/t increased intake of fat, chocolate, and alcohol associated with return to adolescent facial breakouts.

5. Anticipatory grieving r/t impending midterms and final exams associated with crying fits in October, December, March, and May.

4. Maturational enuresis (in English, enuresis means uncontrolled pee-ing) r/t trauma-induced regression to childhood associated with frequent changing of linens.

3. Ineffective individual coping: obsessive compulsive behaviors r/t high demand of nursing school associated with continual checking and rechecking of calendars, date books, course syllabi, and other nursing students to reassure that one is not forgetting assignments.

2. Altered thought processes: caffeine-induced psychosis r/t increased coffee consumption.

1. Self-care deficit r/t being a nursing student.

Procrastinators: Leaders of Tomorrow

2008-10-24T20:38:00.004+08:00

My professor asked me today, "Did you all have enough time to finish [the case study]?" and my immediate answer was No.

Was it because I procrastinated again? Probably. I'm sure I can rival Yen for the Procrastinator of the Year Award.

But I realised it's also because I will never be satisfied with my work. I don't understand how some people can hand in their work so early, some not just one day but a few days before the deadline! I will always be working until the very last minute to make sure I've done all I can before submission.

Well I've handed in the blasted case study without a minute to spare, only to stress out over the concert. Why do so many unforeseen things keep happening? I simply can't understand it.

Dated and Strung

2008-10-17T22:25:00.004+08:00

I'm so remarkably unobservant that I didn't realise my blog entries had no date! All applause goes to Sandra for helping me fix it cos I know nuts about html, CSS and whatnot.

On a different note (pun intended), here's a video of the String Quartet's version of Muse's Time Is Running Out.

Twilight: another ending

2008-10-13T20:39:00.008+08:00

Edit @ 01 30, 15/10/08: Just in case there's any confusion, Twilight didn't spark my fascination with vampires, it was Buffy the Vampire Slayer that did. I have always loved all things mythological anyway, just that nothing in recent years, besides HP of course, has got me this excited. Thus I didn't jump on the vampires-are-cool bandwagon only now so please don't think that I did, cos I'd sound even more superficial haha.

Dammit, I honestly can't believe I'm hooked onto the Twilight books.

When I first heard about it being the next Harry Potter, I was skeptical. Nothing in my mind could be fantastic as HP and its wonderful world, much less some vampire romance. Then cos the movie was coming out and there was so much hype, I decided to read Twilight. Yes, I'll be the first to admit that I'm a junkie for bestsellers :) I mean they have to be somewhat good if they remain on the Bestseller List for weeks right?

I borrowed the book, started...and couldn't stop. I can't really pinpoint exactly what it was that kept me reading hour after hour, maybe it's cos Edward Cullen is perfect: the dream boyfriend, straight-A student and oh-so mysterious that I feel compelled to find out more about him.

I realise the book is terribly shallow - thus making me a terribly shallow person - but I love love love Edward! Reading the first draft of the first chapter of Midnight Sun, which is Twilight from Edward's perspective makes him all the more awesome. I really can't wait for it to be published cos then I get more insight into his actions. He's a more complex character than Bella so it should make for a good read.

I have to admit that though the book is nowhere near as good as HP, which has infinitely more depth, I like being all enthusiastic about something again. I find myself scouring websites for set photos, articles and wallpapers, and watching E! News in hopes that they'll have something on the Twilight cast. It helps that Robert Pattinson, who plays Edward, is looking pretty good in the movie though some people don't think so. I didn't too, at first, but my loyalty for him from GOF mitigated the fact that he's not nearly as perfect as I pictured. He's starting to grow on me though, as is Kristen Stewart who plays Bella. Pity the movie's only coming out in December over here, while it opens in November in the States.

Now anxiously waiting for Arisya to lend me New Moon :(

I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly. - Edward Cullen

2008-09-29T22:51:00.004+08:00

I am down in the dumps.

I realised, after looking at the requirements for the paper I handed in today, that I missed out an important component. Honestly, I think it's because it wasn't in bold so I overlooked it even though I highlighted it. Of course, my slow going and procrastination didn't help matters.

Just when things seemed to be looking on the brighter side...

Anyone has any money-making schemes?

2008-09-25T12:40:00.003+08:00

I AM EXTREMELY IRRITATED RIGHT NOW.

I was supposed to work for the inaugural Singapore Grand Prix, don't ask me as what cos I don't know exactly. I went for a compulsory in-house training session and on-the-job training (OJT) as a banquet server, which from a previous post, you'll see that I nearly died. Then the HR company calls me and tells me that they had to cut down on a few hundred people one day before the practice session due to security reasons. I already had a bad experience with their unprofessional ways when they were trying to settle my banquet server job. And now this.

I had to forego a birthday celebration to attend the compulsory OJT, I had to fork out money to buy a skirt I don't really need and I had to tell a good friend that I wouldn't be able to attend his 21st birthday party due to the F1. I had planned my entire schedule around this job and they tell me they had to drop me. I went through all this crap to get this thing and in the end, it didn't happen.

When I commented that it was so unbelievable that the F1 side would think about security so late, the guy told me it was the organiser's, not F1's, fault. He claims he only knew about the cutting down of people 2 days ago. When I asked how the company decided who to cut down on, he told me it was from feedback during the in-house training and the OJT. The thing is it wasn't fair to rate us on OJT cos being banquet servers wasn't what we were supposed to be doing for the F1. The OJT was for learning how to deal with customers and my dinner guests seemed fine. The guy then offered me a job serving cocktails and wine at the Conrad, which is in the vicinity of the F1 but I turned it down. I don't think it'll reflect very well on Singapore if a first-time drinks server was serving the guests during the actual event. I was trained as a FOOD server, for heaven's sake!

I really needed the moolah, but I guess on the bright side, I get to work on my 50%-due-on-Monday paper.

A word of advice: don't join TCC (not the coffee joint) unless you want to deal with all this nonsense.

You have been warned.

Double double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble

2008-09-24T14:20:00.002+08:00

I'm supposed to be furiously working on my Clinical Decision Making paper but I'm troubled by other things.

I talked to my mother over the weekend to ask if it was alright if I did another semester, taking electives that I didn't have a chance to take and she said it was fine. Then I had a nice long chat with one of my lecturers and she reassured me that it was ok to start work in August, i.e. after Rag as most people take a one to two month break anyway. Now another Prof advises me against doing another semester cos I could lose touch with my practical skills and I grudgingly agree with her. She also gave me another bit of bad news. Essentially, doing Rag may not be only up to me but also up to the hospitals cos we have to see when they take in the new batch of graduated student nurses.

I fully concur with Sean that work can wait and I'm all for taking a good break but still, I wouldn't want to miss one of the most important parts of a nurse's life which is the integration into the hospital and the workforce. God, I really hate it that my future is so damn unpredictable. One moment I think "Oh I can do CMB and Rag without any major hitches" and the next, Life throws me another curveball. I told Mdm Liaw straight that if I didn't stay in hall, my university and academic life would be utterly miserable. Hall has kept me sane from the craziness of the course by giving me a chance to do things I wouldn't dream of doing. Hall life is an escape for me, a chance to focus on something else other than school, which I feel is slowly killing my interest for the vocation. I guess I wasn't fully prepared when I took up this course, and that's no one's fault but my own. I don't regret learning what I've learnt though, it's just a pity that the course is the way it is. I think the only way out of this is to do my Honours year, which is a slim possibility but not a likely one, judging from the way my paper is going.

But enough of my whinings! I just found out yesterday that the Science Centre has free star-gazing sessions every Friday. They even have lessons on astronomy, slide shows and talks! I also want to watch Wild Ocean at the Omnimax theatre! Any takers?

2008-09-08T16:23:00.013+08:00

My stint as a food server at a banquet at the Swissotel left me feeling so exhausted that any thoughts of continuing this as a part-time thing flew right out the window.

For one thing, the hotel expects us to portion out ALL food, not just the soup, dessert and noodles. Of course being the tortoise that I am, I portion really, really and, I mean really, slowly. I am so bad at it that even though initially the thing that I feared most was dropping the dishes, I became more afraid of portioning out the food than of breaking anything as the night wore on. Then I nearly spilt a few drops of the sauce for the fish on a guest but luckily she was wearing her napkin, which protected her outfit.

Even before the actual event started, we had this mind-boggling briefing on what to do. The manager rattled on about our grooming, what drinks were available, how to portion stuff and even how to portion the fish!

This is how you're supposed to divide it:

At least my mentor was quite nice, so he did most of the work and I mostly helped to clear the plates :) I'll definitely appreciate my servers next time round and won't complain about the food arriving so slowly. I know I was running around like a headless chicken: setting plates, collecting food, portioning, clearing side plates, and going back to step 1.

It's a good thing my event was a Chinese dinner. If it was a Western banquet, I'd have to fiddle about with pieces of cutlery, 3 different glasses cluttering the table and plates which are in the way.

It was a definite eye-opener but never again.

2008-08-26T01:39:00.003+08:00

I feel emotionally blackmailed, though it's not anyone's fault.

I know what to do but I don't know how to tell them.

Obviously, hall loves playing mind games with me.

I need to pull up my CAP to help Rag. How am I supposed to do that if I do this?

Oh well, for all I know, tomorrow night I'll be saying OK.
Which kinda sucks, cos I know I won't be doing it because I want to.

Weep not for the memories

2008-08-23T20:34:00.001+08:00

Long overdue post, dated 10 August:

We lost badly to none other than our dearest neighbours, Kent Ridge. I must admit that after looking at their float, my conviction in ours lessened but I still believed that we could clinch the award for Best Float Presentation. I mean we had a LIVE BAND playing from inside the float! How much more original can you get? We didn't even win Most Creative, Temasek Hall won that. I didn't think they deserved it cos with the F1 coming up, it's not a very out-of-the-box idea is it?

I guess what irked me the most was that our originality and creativity weren't recognised AT ALL. The raggers worked so hard to make the live band idea feasible and...nothing. I wonder if the judges even knew the music was live and not recorded.

I'm glad I was able to help out in whatever little way I could. I'm happy to sacrifice that one week and my sleep to be there for my friends when they needed all the assistance they could get. Cos that's what motivates people to come down for Rag isn't it? Loyalty to your friends. Sandra once told me "Raggers rag for the people." I found it hard to believe her at that time but after 2 rags I definitely do.

Every now and then, we find a special friend,
who never lets us down.
Who understands it all, reaches out each time we fall,
you're the best friend that I've found.

I know you can't stay,
a part of you will never ever go away,
your heart will stay.

Regret is a dirty word

2008-08-14T12:20:00.000+08:00

There's many a time when I wish that I had chosen a more conventional route when I entered NUS. I know I've told plenty of people about this but strangely, I have yet to blog about it. Well today something my lecturer mentioned made me resent my decision even more. I know nursing is a course unlike any other but does it have to be SO different?

I feel cheated out of my university life. Because of my attachment, I've been deprived of a full 3 months of holiday that other people get. Yes yes, they may be doing internships and attachments too but most are out of choice. Because of my course, I don't get to go on SEP/NOC/Work and Travel/immersions/overseas trips and whatnot. I'm most bitter about not being able to go away for SEP cos going abroad to study has been something that I've desired ever since I knew such a programme existed. My good friends have already/are going to the US, UK, Europe, blah blah, and I'm stuck here in sunny Singapore. It's akin to prison really.

Alright fine, I'm exaggerating just a little about the prison part but I feel trapped here and it's only serving to increase my dislike over the course I picked.

Now I find out that Year 3 Semester 2 is only going to be 9 weeks! When everyone else is busy watching concerts, I'll be busy studying for exams. When everyone else is mugging together during the pre-exam period, I'll be on attachment. I feel so disconnected from the rest of NUS and it doesn't help that my faculty thinks they can anyhow put make-up lectures anywhere and we're supposed to heck care about our electives because we're supposed to "choose what's more important." It only serves to segregate us from the community even more and I really don't like that.

I think I may just become a tour guide one day. Or a conservationist.

I suppose saving the earth is more important than showing people the sights, yes?

The more we get together

2008-06-21T23:08:00.003+08:00

It was the TK 21st birthday bash today and I must say that even though it was a rather small affair with less than half the cohort turning up, I still had a good time. It was a chance for my batch mates and I to catch up with each other's lives, no matter how superficially. I'm sure common questions were "So how are you?" and "What are you doing now?" It really was fantastic seeing people I hadn't met since like forever and for me, the fun part about it was reminiscing about the stupid things we did. Be it relief teachers who stood at the door and taught us from there to teachers who caught us dozing off during lessons or even teachers who were so fed up with their class that they mock-banged their heads against the wall, we definitely had more than a few good laughs over it all. It goes without saying that we also discussed how much people had changed over the five (I can't believe it's been that long) years since we graduated.

Never mind the awkwardness and stupid games, who cares that it was held in a hotel that most have never heard of and it didn't matter that we had to get our own dinner; this party opened my eyes (or heart?) to how much I really missed secondary school life and I realise now that nothing can compare to what I had back then. Being in TK was THE best time of my academic years, it's unparalleled by JC, uni and yes, even hall life. For me, it was a time when I was carefree and could still be excused for doing the occasional dumb thing but most importantly it was when I formed everlasting friendships.

So thank you to the alumni, teachers (Mr Yusri actually remembered my full name!) and the batch mates for organising the first ever birthday bash for the Class of 2003, I'm certain it was much appreciated.

The only gripe the whole thing: people I had hoped to see didn't attend but nonetheless, I'll remember this date cos who knows when's the next time we'll see each other again.

Who's up for another reunion 20 years later?

It's not my time

2008-06-15T16:26:00.006+08:00

Edit @ 17/06, 22 17: I spoke to our ADON cum lecturer on Monday and she said the preceptor in the OT who was in charge of us said she liked us and our lecturer said "Sister Bitch NM doesn't really know you. People who don't know you all will have this sort of opinion." Plus my Clinical Instructor also seemed rather sympathetic to our plight, hinting that people might be sour grapes and that all attention is sort of on us right now so our every move is scrutinised. So take that, you stupid woman. I know I sound childish but I can't help it, I feel like we have been done a great injustice and what's even worse is that I don't think anyone has talked to that NM about her behaviour while everyone has chided us on ours.

Q: The thing that gets your goat is...
A: People who are selectively rude. They are nice in front of doctors but rude to my nurses.

Q: What would you say to them?
A: I think that the nurses are doing their best so please be nice to them.

Wouldn't you love to work for a person like that? I know I sure would and nope it's not just a fantasy, there are some doctors who really do care about their staff. Like the one mentioned in this week's Mind Your Body section, unfortunately I forgot his name, I only remember that he's an obstetrician.

He's so different from the surgeon I had the misfortune to encounter in the OT. She actually walked out from the theatre after the nurse handed her the wrong forceps! And dumped her operating gown on the floor for others to pick up! What a snooty attitude and it was most uncalled for because the nurse didn't know the doctor didn't want to use that particular type of forceps anymore. She came back after a while to finish the surgery and apologised to the nurse but still... Biatch, much?

Talking about unpleasant people, the OT staff really have nothing better to do than to tattle on us. A very good example would be one time when all 4 of us wanted to see a neurological operation, we were told to take turns going in two at a time. Kelly and I were left outside the theatre while the other pair went in and we were told to go into another one to see a hand surgery. I wasn't keen on it so I said to Kelly "But I'm not interested in this one, I want to see the other one." Well apparently the nurse in the scrub room thought I was talking to her and reported to the Nurse Manager that us NUS students were not interested. Well yeah I wasn't interested, is that such a problem? The other one was so much more exciting! I readily admitted that I was the one who said I wasn't interested when our lecturer asked us cos I think I didn't do anything wrong.

That's just a mild example. The other incident's even worse. We always wear home clothes to the hospital and didn't know we had to bring our uniforms cos we have no need for them. We always change into scrubs before entering the OT area, see. On Friday someone happened to see two of us wearing shorts, not even FBTs but berms and a nice pair of white shorts suitable for going out. The person commented that we wouldn't have been allowed to wear shorts in the past and someone was asking why and that she doesn't see anything wrong with wearing them. Well in our opinion we were just carrying on the conversation and trying to make them see our point but someone else decided that we were putting staff of a lower rank down and we were not listening to feedback. What did she do? Did she tell us? No of course not, she went to complain to that same bitch of a Nurse Manager. Who later confronted my classmate about the whole situation, saying that she could quote us saying "Then next time we'll wear shorter shorts!" I was totally floored when Tse Lert told me what she had said and it ruined my TGIF mood. I was so hurt, also angry at the fact that being an NM, a rather high rank, she didn't even bother finding out both sides of the story and just accused us of something which was rather serious in my opinion. To add on, she said "I'm very disappointed in your behaviour, especially since you're from NUS. I will definitely inform your school about this." Well guess what? You're not exactly Miss Perfect either. I'm appalled that as an adult with years of experience and a Nurse Manager to boot you didn't even ask us about what we really said, you cut off my friend who's trying to explain what we did. Also, your opinion, I'm sorry to say, doesn't really count for anything cos unlike NYP students, our grade isn't determined by whatever you feedback so be my guest. Complain all you like, our lecturer's already asked us what happened and I'm confident that no one will see us in a bad light *smug smile* especially since you never even spent 5 minutes with any of us in that whole one week so who are you to say what our characters are like?

I hated my experience there for the most part because of sneaks and dumb NMs although most of them are actually rather nice and willing to teach. Don't even get me started on the smell of burnt human, really gross.

I had this impression that some of them hated us before even getting to know us and I think they would have found something or another to complain about, even if the two incidents above didn't happen. Probably about the way we "answer back" to the staff or whatever. I mean, don't you people want to see a change in the way the profession is viewed? We're vocal because we're encouraged to be, in school they welcome any comments and people are more than happy to engage in debate or discussion. Over there, a discussion is viewed negatively and most likely seen as arguing. I understand if the older generation can't accept what the younger generation is like but for the relatively younger ones, shouldn't you be thankful that we're sticking up for ourselves? And not letting others bully us? Then there's a chance that the vicious cycle of submission will cease with us! But if you want to be cocooned in your department at level 3, then fine. I hope that future NUS students won't suffer what we did cos it really turned me off from working there for the time being.

I'm actually looking forward to going back to the ward, believe it!

You're still in bed at 10, but work began at eight

2008-05-29T21:57:00.008+08:00

I just watched Prince Caspian on Friday and boy was it great. How often does a movie make me so excited and feel so much for its characters? I think the last time was Return of the King and the next time will probably be Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Prince Caspian is on a similar scale so I really enjoyed myself, maybe also because there hasn't been a movie like this for a long time. If it had come out right after ROTK, I probably wouldn't have found it okay. The point is, go watch it!

Besides that, I'm happy to report that work is getting a tad better after about 2 weeks of slaving in the ward. Of course it helps that there are cute HOs (house officers) for me to ogle. Mind you, their looks are relative to the other doctors who come through my ward :)

So there was this one who has a really pleasant face, looks smart and has dimples when he smiles! Dimples! It would be a crime to think he's not eye-candy. Then there was this other one who asked me if I had any more questions for him. First time a young doctor's ever asked me that, I mean most of them are willing enough to answer my questions but not one has asked me if I had anything else to ask. And the third one, well I had actually seen him before but I found him rather rude to the staff nurse so I dismissed him as one of those doctors who think they're above everyone else. But hey he's still a sight for sore eyes so I'll let that pass :) after all, who else is there to look at? Definitely not my patients who are mostly sickly frail uncles/pakciks!

The ITE student nurses are here now but it's a double-edged sword though. On one hand, they take a load of work off us but on the other I think they're sometimes competing for the same set of skills as I am so every morning it's like I have to "chope" skills I need to complete. It's okay though, at least now I have more people to talk to!

I forgot to add something that happened today that annoyed me. See I forgot to bring my hair clips to work today so my fringe was falling and obscuring my vision just a little and the staff nurse asked me if I wanted to do wound dressing. So I said I don't want to do it today cos my hair's falling all over. I mean everyone knows your hair harbours A LOT of germs so didn't want to introduce any to the wound plus it was irritating me. Thus I watched the nurse do the dressing and another nurse came along and asked "Why are you doing the dressing and the two students (i.e. Joey and me) just watching?" and the reply was "They said they don't want to do." LIKE WHAT? Fine it's technically correct to say that I didn't want to do it but it puts me in a really bad light all the same! I had a good reason for not doing it, or what I think is a valid excuse and if you thought that hair falling all over is alright, then you should have freaking said so! Something like "Oh nvm it's okay, you can still do dressings" would have been nice. God I hate the fact that everyone expects us to be "hands on" the whole bloody time!

7353 2833

2008-05-20T17:56:00.003+08:00

I realised that if you type 73532833 when SMS-ing using the dictionary, the first word that pops up is "selected". I'm sure frequent SMS-ers would also know that the other word is "rejected".

Two words, same sequence of numbers yet completely opposite in meaning.

Rejected is how I feel right now. I applied for the Singhealth Nursing Scholarship, the interview's tomorrow and they haven't called or emailed me. Thus quite obviously I am a reject. I like to think it's because I'm not a Singaporean nor a PR, which is stated as one of the requirements cos I really don't understand how others can get it but not me. I have an active CCA record and an ok CAP for someone staying in hall so I cannot fathom why they wouldn't even oblige me an interview.

All hope is not lost though. The NHG people are still shortlisting their candidates but I'm getting a little nervous because two of my classmates have already been called but not me. Again.

Show me the money!

Now the time has come to leave

2008-05-09T17:38:00.002+08:00

Everyone's going or already gone. The hall's so quiet, it's unnatural.

I have SO many things! Moving out is really a bother.

I want to sleep.

2008-05-02T18:28:00.003+08:00

I need to get my mind off that wretched Microbiology paper! It's by far one of the worst papers I've ever sat for, it was that painful. I am so afraid of my grade, considering that I didn't do very well for the CA so I needed the exam to pull me up.

The MCQ was a nightmare, and I kept mixing up all my micro-organisms. There's just so many to remember! The matching questions and short-answer section were a little easier than I thought. However, I want to kill myself for selecting E.coli over Salmonella typhi, for not being able to remember the vaccine for tuberculosis when it's the most obvious one you get at age 12, for confusing all the helminths and for a million other stupid mistakes.

I thought memorising Pharmaco was bad, this was ten times worse. Well the only good thing that came out of it was that at least I will study harder for Genes and Soc now, to keep up the pattern of getting at least an A- every semester.

Oh please God, don't let my CAP drop any more.

The second 'surprise' party

2008-04-16T13:23:00.002+08:00

So the hall mates threw me another party yesterday with an absolutely delish cake, nice presents and still-in-the-making card. It wasn't as much of a surprise as the last one cos I already suspected something was in the works but it was still great nonetheless cos most of my good friends were there or made some sort of appearance. Thanks girls for going through so much trouble, even with the exams coming up and tests, lab reports and whatnot :)

Now on to how they tried to surprise me. Nithiya comes up and says she wants to go for supper, so of course I go and pretend I don't know what's going on. Well to be fair, I thought they only gathered the Block B people to celebrate but when I got down, once again I went "Oh my goodness!" Not only my block people, but also the Rag Materials Engineers and CMB Publicity people! I think I'm always pleasantly surprised by people whom I didn't expect to be there and were there. Then the usual singing and opening of the present. Prezzie was a black and white bikini, very nice. They put it in the egg that we made for one of our concerts. Oh I forgot about the other "present". One of the Loveboxes, given to me by my lovely subcomm. The box is extremely pretty! Btw a little birdie told me that they were at a loss for ideas on the card. Apparently I've not trained them well enough :(

Special mention goes to the cake. Obviously it was so good! Who can resist the Chocolate Banana cake from Secret Recipe, one of the 50 best cakes in Singapore according to Lifestyle? Scrumplicious!

And then of course came all the highly embarrassing moments of teasing and forcing me to wear the bikini over my grubby shorts and t-shirt in the COMM HALL! But since I'm in an especially forgiving mood, I'll let it go this time.

Once again thanks a lot for making this so wonderful! Two surprise parties! I'm a lucky person, don't you think?

More than words

2008-04-14T09:38:00.003+08:00

Okay it's official, yesterday's surprise party was the best! Fine I've only had one surprise party but it's the best birthday present thus far. Thank you No Rejects and to the bandies that turned up :) i really appreciate you all making your way to my place and getting lost and all.

It all started when Halimah asked me to go out to Parkway Parade and to the library with her. She always does that so I didn't suspect a thing although I was wondering why she took so long to choose her books. Then we went to Parkway and I bought my groceries and while we're at NTUC she tells me that she urgently needs to use my computer to send some information to the Mendaki Scholarship people cos they needed it today, meaning Sunday. Puzzled, I said "I can't believe they're working on a Sunday" and her reply was that they were waiting for her email. We reach my place and I get a shock when I enter cos I see the coffee table set up with stuff and behind me Arisya and Lishan blow those noisemaker things. Then I open the door to the spare room and I get an even bigger shock when I see Huishan, Enru, Deon, Shaun and Yaofeng there! You should've seen my face! I think you will anyway, when I get the photos from Huishan.

Anyway the entire thing was great cos the theme was childhood dreams so there was pizza, Rabbit sweets, jellies and fake Smarties and my birthday cake was a boxful of doughnuts! WHEEE. They made me dress up in this witch's costume and obviously snapped a photo at the same time. I probably looked ridiculous and unglam cos I didn't care less when I dressed that morning.

Having all of them there was wonderful, really. I was extremely touched that the girls went to so much trouble to plan this and what made all the better was that not only did they throw a surprise party, but they tried to get all my friends there. Unfortunately some of them couldn't make it cos of exams but it's okay. I'm glad I was so clueless about the entire thing cos that's what made it more than great.

It was bloody brilliant. Thank you for making my 21st so memorable. Special mention goes out to my mother who was also in on the conspiracy.

It was just the thing to make me almost forget what I left behind in hall, almost.

Nevermind if you don't understand

2008-04-10T08:25:00.005+08:00

Edit on 11/04 @ 03 50: I feel so ashamed that I am partly the cause of the unhappiness in the block. I feel like burying my head somewhere in the sand. But although I know what we are doing is fair, I honestly cross-my-heart-and-hope-to-die did not want it to turn out this way. I'm starting to have second thoughts when I heard that blockhead might break the rules for us. I don't want to be like So-and-So and gang; I'd rather move than be like them.

I was so fuming mad earlier, steam was almost coming out of my ears and I wouldn't have been half surprised if I burst a vessel.

This is copied directly from an email I received regarding the all-important room allocation:

Allocation will be done according to 2 criteria:

1. Seniors will have the priority.

a. (Blk B has always given the seniors the priority regarding room allocation and I do believe that this is a good tradition to follow. =) )

2. The number of points will be the second criteria

a. (If there are 2 residents of the same year are fighting for the same room, the room will be allocated to the one with the higher points)

"Seniors have priority"? WHAT A FREAKING JOKE. I can't believe that we were fighting with 2 stupid, dumb, bimbotic, brainless, half-baked TWITS (read: freshies) for rooms that we wanted. All because we wanted one of the rooms that they were staying in and they refused to budge because they're "attached to their rooms." Why, half an hour ago, the aforementioned YEAR ONES were all too willing to change their rooms. Now just because things aren't going your way, you make things difficult for us graduating seniors. Well, three can play the same dirty game you're playing.

Basically the story's this: We wanted their rooms and the dingbats refuse to move. Technically we could kick their sorry asses elsewhere cos according to the rules set by Mr. Blockhead, seniors get priority. However blockhead says that if we want to move into a room, we must come to a mutual consensus with the current owners of the room. In our situation the airheads refused to move, therefore it's not nice to take their rooms. Hello, you mean that if people don't wanna get out, other people who get to choose first cannot take their rooms? Your so-called "criteria" goes down the drain then, doesn't it? If that's it, then it's just a formal system that you put in place to make you look like you're doing your job!

The saga continues: The dimwits then call a senior who uses another senior (who's not confirmed a room, I might add) as a pawn to block us from moving to where we want. At this point, I was complaining to someone and someone else tells me, "Stay strong, don't back down." Anyway in the end, the two of us managed to kick those imbeciles out while I move down a level to stay with likeable people.

I am absolutely furious that I'm fighting with bloody FRESHIES to get what I want. I'm not even fighting with my own batch mates! All three of us beat those 2 idiots on both criteria, seniority and points. I worked damn hard for the hall and this is what I get? Once again, on a different floor from my friends, compromising to dumbasses when they refuse to give way to us, we who have done loads more for the hall than them. Don't give me your fake smiles and high voices, telling me bullshit like you're attached to the room and you like the short wing cos it's quieter. Missies, you forget that I live in the short wing too and it's anything but quiet.

And what's this about waiting list people being able to choose a room? Wake up and smell the coffee! They're not even guaranteed a freaking room!

Actually, this entire situation could've been avoided if all rooms were up for grabs. I don't see the point of coming to a consensus about the rooms, except that it's more courteous to do so.

Undoubtedly, block head is an apt name.

Here's to fat hopes

2008-03-28T02:25:00.005+08:00

You know, if you're really wondering what to get me for my birthday here's a little hint: WGS 2008.

Specifically a dinner with Ian Wright or one that's cooked by Curtis Stone. They only cost $248 each! And while you're at it, might as well throw in the Pierre Herme Culinary Masterclass too :)

But what am I saying? NO ONE'S going to pay that much for me to go. I can only hope that I get to attend at least one dinner at one World Gourmet Summit before I die.

Here's the website, for those of you interested: http://www.worldgourmetsummit.com/wgs2008/events.php

On another note, I am really looking forward to this year - not the 9 week attachment though - because of the WGS (which means I'll religiously be following review after review), the Beijing Olympics (hands down my favourite sporting event ever) and also the Singapore Grand Prix.

Exciting times lay ahead, indeed.

Edit @ 23 33: Crap. I'm now addicted to watching Youtube videos of The Crystal Maze, this really old game show that I used to love.

If music be the food of love

2008-03-24T15:48:00.008+08:00

I was dead wrong about Adam Levine. How could I ever have thought him to be not sexy?

Anyway the concert was just okay. They are awesome live performers and I have a new-found love for "the gayest straight guy" (Halimah, 2008), so why wasn't it GREAT? Because it was way, way too short! It was less than 1.5 hours! Everyone was a little surprised when the lights came on cos though they bowed and everything, I didn't hear them say goodnight or thank you but Shah says they did so alright then.

Another turn-off was that the guitars were too loud at times. When I was complaining about it to Yen and Niths, Yen said, "I thought concerts were supposed to be loud?" Loud I can handle, but this was ear-piercing and on the verge of being eardrum-bursting probably.

I still enjoyed myself very much though, but think I would've rather paid RM288 or something to see BSB up close :)

Talking about concerts, another one just passed but I was too lazy to write about it. It was the annual CMB concert. Um, CMB stands for Cultural Management Board for those not living in Sheares. I'll let the photos do the talking yeah? I'm still too lazy to write about it. But one thing I learned though: admin work is a downright Pain in the Ass. Never again, I tell you. Next year is sit-in-one-corner-and-relax year.

The CMB. I'm proud of my subcommers; we really pulled out all stops. Thanks for spending all those nights doing things to attract people's attention.

With tired eyes, tired minds, tired souls, we slept.

Presenting the CMB t-shirt for 2008 :) i quite obviously did NOT design it. All credits go to the other publicity i/c, Yonglin. Models are Serene (girl who sat on curtain remote control) and Mat Not-Kool (boy who was in charge of aforementioned curtain remote control).

Oh ya, before Eng Hooi kills me, the photos above are from the Sheares Photocomm website.

Make way, money coming through!

2008-03-09T21:26:00.003+08:00

Yay! I finally managed to get a tuition job!

Albeit, I'm going to tutor in Math and English, not exactly my favourite subjects to teach. I can still handle Math, but English? Truth be told, I don't even know where to start! I will just have to wing it and pray that they don't cotton on...

Anyway I plan to use the much-needed cash to travel at the end of the year. Li Shan will still be in Georgia then, so I'm hoping we can travel somewhere together. Oooh we can finally go on our road trip! Only, there's that teensy danger of being mugged or robbed or whatever. So maybe a road trip is out of the question...

Eh, but I need more money lah! What these people are paying me is most definitely not enough!

Damn you procrastination

2008-03-06T02:05:00.002+08:00

What do the two pictures above have in common? Well duh, stress! That's right. I am officially stressed out. Blame it on my procrastination. This is another perfect example of it: I'm blogging instead of working on my case study. I absolutely hate with a passion all the admin crap that's got to be done so that RockFest publicity can be up on time. Not to mention handling the concert details and liaising with the T-shirt fellow.

I think I need a few hundred of these. Nice, pretty little stress balls that I can squeeze till they burst.

Actually they don't really work for me. What I really need is a yummylicious pint of Haagen Dazs Cookies n Cream.

Ella ella ella eh eh

2008-02-19T02:04:00.003+08:00

I don't know what happened to the photos in the original entry but here they are:

Our lovely float; can't see the back part though.

The entire committee, plus minus a few.

Block B.

If I'm not mistaken, these are the beloved Raggers.

Chingay Main Comm. Thanks for helping me out!

Chingay committee minus my own sub-commers.

Anyway Chingay is over and we won Best Float, through public voting. I'm sure Shearites made up for 75% of the votes so thank you!

Another nice video. Now this "Umbrella", I can actually stand.

Sunday Morning

2008-02-17T00:14:00.002+08:00

It just occurred to me today that my stay in hall might ending very soon, sooner than I anticipated actually. Read the following:

Charges for room, per week:
AY2007-2008: $60;
AY 2008 - 2009: $75;
AY 2009-2010: $90;
AY 2010-2011: $100;

It's total madness, I tell you! This means that I'll be paying over $1700 for my first sem alone! How can I afford it? I have yet to tell my parents but I don't think they'll be too keen on my remaining in hall. This also means that this might just be my last semester in Sheares. My very last semester.

I have thought about the day when I finally decide to move back home but the important thing is that it was to be on MY terms, definitely not the school's. I should want to leave, not be forced to. Someone said that we work so hard for the points to stay and we still have to shell out a ginormous amount of money to get a room. Unless I manage to earn some moolah, it's a high possibility that I will end up sharing a room with my sister AGAIN.

At the risk of sounding extremely cliched, this place has become somewhat my home. I have a sanctuary to escape to when I can't stand my house any more, which of late doesn't really feel like mine. Not that it was done on purpose of course. It's just that I love my room here, definitely not its location but it's still my much-loved hovel. I can put whatever I want on the walls, I can leave it in a complete mess and best of all, I can have all the privacy I want.

I'm going to treasure the remaining time I have left here. This translates to making time to visit people and eating supper.

Life's is too short to waste time on studying 24/7.

Silver Pool of Light

2008-02-03T21:00:00.000+08:00

It was a good day today, no matter what the result. The field was in a horrible state and the ball slippery but at least the weather was great. Cloudy and no rain :) Touch Rugby is finally over and we fought hard. Though the outcome was still pretty bad, I feel we progressed as a TEAM.

I am proud of us.

Caution: Thin Ice!

2008-01-16T02:38:00.000+08:00

I've poked my pudgy finger into too many pies.

Being CMB Publicity IC, Chingay Chief ME and Touch Vice-Cap is catastrophic on a global scale.

I'm so tired all the time especially from Chingay cos it's top priority right now. I've been neglecting Touch and CMB but THANK GOD Yonglin is more than capable of picking up any slack. As for Touch... Well I'm sorry if I've disappointed anyone as a Vice-Cap and if you think someone else should take the position, I whole-heartedly agree. I honestly don't deserve it, cos I only have time to go for trainings and that's about it. Don't even start the time management spiel; every available minute I have is spent on Chingay at the moment. I've said it once, I'll say it again, don't judge till you've done it yourself.

I can't even take any off days from Chingay cos they need me and I can't shirk my responsibilities as a Publicity IC too much cos it'll be unfair to Yonglin. At least for Touch, I can afford to let it slide just a little bit cos we've got Guoyong and Ya Yan. But it's still draining, having to make sure that I am there for ALL trainings just because I am vice-captain.

I thought I wasn't stressed, just exhausted from doing too many things but I think I am. And oh, guess what? This is the icing on the bloody cake: I found out that I can't even wear normal contact lenses for my left eye any more cos the astigmatism is too bad and the new ones cost triple the price!

Sigh. I'll get through this though, even though it feels like I'm swimming through molasses. Slow but I'll eventually reach the end.

2008-01-01T23:20:00.000+08:00

It's that time of the year again, where I do my round-up of the previous year. To some, it may be boring or some do it just for the sake of doing so. For me, it's for closure. I don't think I can lay 2007 to rest unless I summarise the events that have impacted my life.

At a glance, it's been a good year for me with more happy moments than sad ones. What with being a rabid fan of BSB who came to perform, reading the final chapter of Harry's life, winning Rag, enjoying the various blockbusters and doing marginally better for the exams - I'd say it's been one of the best years of my life. Of course, there has been the occasional shock, most notably being nearly not being able to get back to hall and maybe the atrocious results of Year One Sem Two.

So that's the history then. As for what lies ahead: I can definitely say that I'm not looking forward to the hall workload next semester. School-wise, I think I have a pretty good timetable with most of my lessons starting at noon or later. And oh, I nearly forgot, 2008's the year I hit the big 2-1. A full-fledged adult; can't quite believe it. I hope we go to a nice restaurant where we have to dress up, then I can wear my DND dress again! :)

To finish off, some funny videos, courtesy of YouTube:

Be good to me, 2008.

Had I known how to save a life

2007-12-11T11:30:00.000+08:00

James is gone. That stupid ang moh has finally left Singapore.

I think I'm suffering slightly from the withdrawal. After spending time with him EVERY SINGLE DAY for the past two weeks, it feels weird. I half-expected to return to hall after clinicals, change and go out for another food outing, cos that's what we've been doing.

Oh well, I expect we'll see him soon. Maybe I should travel to Montreal before I graduate. God knows I need a holiday before I start work :)

Fainting Goats!

2007-12-04T15:39:00.000+08:00

These goats are so adorable, you just have to watch it.

Apparently, they're actually called myotonic goats and their muscles just freeze up when they get excited or scared. Of course, evolution says that these goats should have died out with the dodo but they still exist today because farmers breed them for their larger muscles. It doesn't hurt when they fall though, and after a few seconds they get up and act like nothing happened.

National Geographic: never fails to enlighten.

"Helpless when she smiles"

2007-11-25T02:56:00.001+08:00

Nick Carter reminds me of Nic Choy. The hair, the fashion sense - shirt, jeans, white shoes. Only thing missing is the sweater, but make no mistake: Nic probably has one too; just that the Singapore weather doesn't permit him to wear it all the time.

ANYWAY NICK IS HOT AGAIN! I hated to admit it to anyone but myself, but yes he was rather fat. Thank you God, for making him come to his senses and realising that he needs to go on a diet. My compliments to his hairstylist as well, he looks pretty darn good.

On a sadder note though, BSB without Kevin is obvious. They definitely don't sound the same and I miss seeing five of them. Why oh why did he have to "move on with the next chapter of [his] life"?

Okay this will be my last blog post until after my Monday paper. I swear!

Try Defying Gravity

2007-11-23T20:51:00.000+08:00

I'm going out of my mind.

I absolutely detest studying for my nursing module! Everything feels so disorganised, I don't know what I need and don't need to know cos the objectives are kinda vague and there's just so much information!

Don't even get me started on the Haematology lecture. The lecturer put in so many abbreviations that I'm too lazy to look them up any more cos every 5 mins I'm like, "What the hell is DDVAP/FEIBA/[insert other ridiculous abbreviation here]?" I have a strong feeling that we don't even need to know a lot of things cos it really seems quite advanced for our level. They should really vet the content before giving it to us to study. I know it's rather demanding but I think, as a student, I have the right to expect teaching that's catered to our capabilities.

It's no use telling myself that I can do it, cos I don't believe it anymore.

Mampus.

2007-11-20T11:41:00.000+08:00

Jillian cannot change my clinical placing from CGH to AH so guess what? I'm stuck in CGH! Dammit. It really sucks. She says that it's the address they used is the one indicated in my registration file for NUS. Even if Sheares Hall is not indicated, isn't it enough that I TOLD her I was staying in hall, that I had commitments here? I think she just plain forgot.

I think I'll have to move back home for the 2 weeks. I have to explain to Ronald my horrible situation which will create difficulties for me AND for him. I have to travel between home and NUS to oversee the Chingay work and the journey is not exactly short.

Argh! Feeling very annoyed right now and it's definitely not a good way to start the morning.

Heureux

2007-11-17T01:56:00.000+08:00

Edit (17/11, 13 58hrs): The Golden Compass is in the RBR section of the library! How ludicrous. How in the world do they expect me to finish reading the damn thing in 2 hours? And it's not like I'm so free as to keep renewing it every 2 hours! Stupid. The sequels aren't RBR so why the first one? Grr.

I am one happy girl.

Just came back from watching Stardust with Eng Hooi and James. The movie was pretty good but sometimes I feel like the characters pop out from nowhere. The soundtrack sounded like a combination of LOTR, Pirates of the Caribbean and Narnia so I quite enjoyed it but it got repetitive at some points. I wanted to get the book and was thrilled to realise that Central Library has a copy until I saw that it was on Hold with TEN HOLDS LEFT! :( but it's okay cos I'm going to borrow The Golden Compass instead, which seems like another good read. Whoopee! So excited that I'm going to have a new book to entertain me. Well I did borrow The Afghan from Yen but the story hasn't enthralled me thus far so going to put that on hold.

Next bit of euphoria came from that fact that I managed to wrangle an A for my Psych paper! Considering my atrocious marks in the CA, I really needed this. I can't quite believe it actually;I keep thinking that I'm going to wake up from a dream or realise that I looked at the wrong column for my grade.

Last happy pill is that Don finally bought for me cupcakes baked by The Baker Who Cooks, aka Cheryl. I've been bugging him to buy them for me ever since I found out that he knows her. I think he got for me the Nutella ones. Yum yum :) They're going to be my breakfast tomorrow before my dreaded GEM 1008 test.

I'm in such a good mood that I can't even rant properly about the fact that I'm posted to CGH which is freaking far away from hall, when I TOLD Jillian that I'll be staying in hall this semester. Will let out my frustrations another time when I'm feeling more angsty.

Apocalypse Now

2007-11-15T17:43:00.001+08:00

Today's Pharmaco test was one of the worst I've ever taken. I blanked out during the paper and even forgot the topics that I studied really well. I know a bad carpenter always blames his tools - and I'm probably doing the same thing - but I still think the paper was ridiculous. The lecturer tested us so much on Pharmacokinetics which I didn't memorise properly cos my focus was on mechanisms, clinical uses and side effects. Nurses don't really need to know PK! That's a pharmacist's job! I tell you, I swear I'm going to flunk it. The time allocated was also too short in my opinion. 25 minutes to do 72 true-false questions? Insane. I need time to think and remember!

It's partly my fault too for not studying hard enough but this time, there was so much to learn and I was always distracted so easily. Nothing seemed to be getting inside my head, maybe cos the material was so comprehensive and my poor brain couldn't take it anymore.

Anyway I was extremely depressed after the paper. I didn't even feel like eating anything! Which, for those of you who know me, is a pretty serious thing.

But I'm stronger than this and I WILL get through the semester, even though right now I still feel lousy.

Take a Little Trip

2007-10-29T01:10:00.000+08:00

I envisioned a night of fun, yummy food and great company. However, only 1 out of 3 made the cut. Thank God for Sandra, Isky and Kang Hao.

Night Cycling this year was disorganised and not as fun as last year's. Maybe the novelty has worn off... I feel that time allocation was rather bad cos we kept clumping together with many other groups. Maybe that was their intention? The route was more interesting although quite messy cos there were too many U-turns and crossings. We only got to play one game and the food - this is no fault of Sheares Link - was terrible.

But enough about the atrocities of it all. KH was a good partner and I did enjoy talking to him about all and sundry. From the debate over section 377a to what house design we like, I was pretty much constantly entertained. Plus we were so good at balancing! :) we wobbled only a few times, thanks to his superb control of the handlebars. My legs didn't hurt at all by the time we reached ECP; maybe cos I didn't cycle for half the Bukit Timah leg. See, I was ordered to relax. We also attributed the non-exhaustion to IHG trainings; it's finally paying off.

The only parts of my body that hurt were my butt and right wrist. I dunno what happened to it but it hurts when I bend it. I couldn't even scoop out ice-cream! On the bright side, the pain that's been plaguing my thighs is finally gone! :) i can now go down the stairs without wincing. Though I'm sure it'll be back tomorrow after Touch training :(

2007-10-23T15:04:00.000+08:00

To the thief that stole the hand:

You are disgusting and inconsiderate. You have absolute disregard for the efforts of others. Do you know how long it took us to make that thing? And you had to steal the nicer one; oh but of course. How could I expect anything less? You're sickening and annoying and how creepy can you be to keep that thing in your room? If this is your idea of a joke, it isn't funny, no sirree. Now I have to make a whole new one, taking time out of my precious studying hours to correct your wrong.

If there is a God, I wish that hand would come alive and strangle you in your sleep. That'd put an end to your pilfering ways. By the way, it's still not too late to make amends. Just return it before I make the other one, which will be tonight.

Best regards,
CMB Publicity 0708

Edit @ 21 28: Well the hand's back in the egg, where it belongs. No thanks to the robber who put me through a LOT of grief. As they say, karma's a bitch. You'll get your due come-uppance, just wait and see.

White Horses Racing to Shore

2007-10-18T03:18:00.000+08:00

Finally, a breather.

The past few days have been crazy. It's just been hall, hall and hall. I didn't have the time to do anything else. I've been running myself ragged, without even so much as half an hour to nap. Thank God we've finished that darn egg.

I'm slowly losing my wallet bit by bit. The other day I lost my matric card and EzLink card and I can swear I lost it on the bus but no one has been honest enough to return them. I can understand why some stupid little thief would steal a wallet or a handphone, but a MATRIC CARD? What would you do with it?! Can't you just return it to me?! I don't want a new one cos it's just downright ugly. The only small consolation is that the value in my EzLink card was in the negatives when I lost it. I think I'm going to have to apply for a new one tomorrow :(

Then yesterday, I left my cash card in the photocopying machine. Like how forgetful can I be? I was so irritated with myself. Luckily, there wasn't much money inside. I pray I don't lose anything else soon...

The hottest man on Wisteria Lane.

There Would Be Trumpets

2007-10-09T19:41:00.000+08:00

Yes the DND photos are finally uploaded and this isn't everything. A few more still on the way...

With Edlina and Yen.

With Maisha, my former Netball Captain, and Yen.

With Cynthia and Sandra, who is Rag 0809 Director. Haha.

With Jian Hui, Sandra and Yen.

With Yen Bin.

With Bobo, a friend I met through Rag.

Cheeki Ang and me both facing the same way. Why? Cos we're vain and agree that the left is our better side :)

With the Las Vegas Showgirls! Ronald (gold showgirl) really looks like a trannie but it's a compliment! It was so funny to sit at my table and see a whole bunch of feathers bobbing away a few tables down.

With Tong, 27th DOCA.

With "You think you very handsome is it?" Valerie.

With Winnie, past vice-chair of CMB. God, I accidentally typed SMB. The horror!

With Ya Yan, who's the current Touch Girls Captain.

With Yee Lian, current CMB chair.

With MadMatt, my Pub sub-commer.

With Nic, who was trying to pull off something with his smile but I can't remember what.

With Qing Jun, current SMG chair and fellow SECC Ali Baba councillor.

With Su Kiang, Rag Director aka Sandra's predecessor. I can't stop rubbing in the fact that Sandra is Rag Director :)

With King Tat, Rag 0708 chair. He looks so benevolent :)

With Kang Hao, who is like uber phantom this year and who might be going off for summer exchange in Australia. Lucky him, grumble grumble.

With Keith, also someone I met in SECC. I can't figure out his costume but Eng Hooi said it reminds her of that old American "We want you" poster.

With James McKinney, from McGill University in Canada.

With Joanna. Hardly ever see her nowadays...

With Joey aka Madam Green Snake.

With Ah Kai, one of the 3 Musketeers who helped me with my boxes which were never used :(

With Kai Yuan, Mr Personality and Mr Beautiful Skin haha.

With Cynthia, who finally deigned to take a photo with me without her shades.

All hail King Edmund! Oh. It sounds like a scene from The Chronicles of Narnia.

With nerdy goody-two-shoes Ernest.

With the drunkard Howard :) also another Pub sub-commer.

With Isky! He auditioned for the part of Rat in Wind in the Willows. How apt, don't you think?

With Cheryl - blockmate, coursemate, friend.

With Chio, who also didn't win Pageant. We were all so surprised, expected either him or Kai Yuan to clinch the title.

With Cynthia, this time with shades cos she said her conjunctivitis made her look ugly :) which it so did not.

With Cynthia AGAIN, but I have shades too!

With Cynthia, Jonathan, my Rag steps partner, and Yen.

With Cynthia, Yee Mun and Yen. All materials engineers except for Yen, who I realise are in an awful lot of my photos. Suspicious indeed...

With the coolies, aka Block B guys.

With Abhishek. My mother laughed when she heard his name. You know, cos of the reference to Abhishek Bachchan... Oh go watch Bollywood movies if you're still clueless.

With Bona, who's oozing sex appeal. At least he doesn't have humongous boobs this time :)

With Chio and the B7P.

With Isky again and the B7P. It was supposed to be just us girls, and I mean REAL girls, but someone had to plant himself right next to me and ruin it :)

With Ya Yan, Serene, Josephine and Yen. See I told you she was in a lot of my photos :)

Shaking hands with Mr. President, Darius.

I'm coming, not drowning

2007-10-02T20:05:00.001+08:00

Edit (03/10, 23:53): Crap. I just realised, while confirming the date, that I forgot to wish my uncle for his birthday! But that's not the point. While on the bus today to class, I realised that I sometimes resent the course. It doesn't allow me to do so many things a normal NUS student is able to do, like go on SEP or Work and Travel. I really really want to go on these things but since I have attachments every holiday, I can't. I hate the course for putting all these restrictions on me. I'm going to end my education soon and I'm desperately trying to fully live the life of an NUS undergrad. I've dreamt of going on exchange and if I'm offered to, I'd go in a heartbeat, money not being an issue of course. My life is so blah.

Today's Psych test was killer. It was one of the most stressful tests I've ever taken! You try doing 100 MCQs in an hour, with negative marking. It sounds easy but it wasn't really. I've learnt my lesson: I need to read EVERYTHING in the textbook, whether it's mentioned in the notes or not. So many weird and never-before-seen words came out! Grrr.

A quick update on hall life. I'm now Chingay Chief ME, CMB Pub Co-IC (my other IC is no longer Efei, it's now Yonglin from Block A) and Touch Vice-Cap. Sandra laughed in my face when I told her I'm in Chingay. But I'd really rather do materials engineering than be captain cos at least in ME, I sort of know what I'm doing. At this rate, my CAP's going to fall even further... From a points view, looking at my hall commitments now, I shouldn't have done Rag. I'm even busier than I was last year! However, I will never regret joining Rag; as they say, it's the experience and they're right. Chingay is also once in a lifetime, so why not? I don't want to graduate from uni with studying as my sole activity; it's time to have a little fun before joining the workforce. After school, it's going to be day in day out as a full-time nurse. How exciting.

Anyway, watch this space for DnD photos. Akan datang :)

how singaporean

2007-09-23T14:08:00.001+08:00

You know, I've never been a difficult customer cos I feel sorry for the people we direct our anger at when something goes wrong. But yesterday's incident made me so bloody pissed off that I actually went to give the receptionist a piece of my mind, something I rarely do.

What happened was that I booked an appointment for 2pm at NK Hairworks, a salon recommended by my cousin. They called me around noon to ask if they could change my appointment to 230pm and I was fine with it. I reached Parkway Parade early cos I was afraid they'd give my seat to someone else if I was late. By 310pm, they still hadn't called me so I went to see what was happening. They told me many people are rebonding their hair so I'd have to wait for about 30-45 minutes more. I was like "Are you joking?!" I explained to them that I have to get back to school to get ready for DnD and they told me they'll call when they have a seat. At 350, I was already fuming mad cos I had to reach school by 5pm latest so I have time to dress up. In the end I cancelled my appointment cos there just wasn't time and told them exactly what I thought of them.

The service is unacceptable! They made me come down all the way from Bukit Merah to Parkway Parade which is not exactly near, waited for 2 freaking hours for NOTHING and wasted my money on taking a cab! Of course, my tirade was met with the most standard of PR responses, "We're very busy, I understand how you feel (to which I shot back "No I don't think you do")...blah blah blah."

Seriously I only needed a trim you know! Why can't they find out what customers want to do when they make appointments? And if you're busy, then SAY SO! Don't make me wander around with nothing to do, trying to keep myself busy. I could've gone home to file and paint my nails. Instead I was walking around aimlessly, checking my phone every 5 minutes to see if they called.

Anyway in the end, I was okay with not cutting my hair cos for once, my hair behaved and it looked relatively nice for Dinner and Dance, which was quite fun. Shall post photos up another time.

Implosion

2007-09-20T01:42:00.000+08:00

The day before yesterday, I felt like my head was going to explode. I was feeling so stressed out, from choosing a TM to being captain to being Pub I/C. I just feel that I'm an incompetent impostor who's trying to be all these things.

Later in the shower, I asked myself how in the world did I get myself into such a situation. Being captain is stressful enough cos I have a lot to learn and now Pub I/C. *smacks myself on the head*

I always imagine that people have all sorts of high expectations of me and no matter how much they say they don't, the fear of letting them down is always there. Maybe one day I'll just learn not to care so much about things that aren't really important. I've constantly said that I'll do my best in everything I attempt, even if it isn't by choice. I mean, I have to do it anyway so why not give it my all?

Lately though, I'm beginning to feel that if it isn't so important, then I don't have to put in so much effort. I really wanted to slack a bit in hall this sem but looks like I can't. Rag drained out more from me than I expected and I'm just feeling tired. Need to focus more on my studies and less on hall stuff. Not to say that I'll shirk my duties, but that I won't prioritise hall any more. I've given up too much already...

got skin?

2007-09-17T23:59:00.000+08:00

Well after a short hiatus, my blog is once again up and running. Seriously, looking for a NICE new skin is not easy. The ones that I wanted looked wrong on Firefox cos they were only tested on IE. Damn those IE elitists. Discrimination, I tell you.

I'm supposed to be studying for an Immunology test now but I keep getting distracted. It's like my attention span has suddenly been shortened to about one to two minutes. Maybe I'm still wallowing in the happiness the Rag video evoked. It was touching and the music was right. Ming Feng did a great job rushing it out and luckily, there weren't too many unglam shots of me :)

On another note, I am now the CMB Pub Co-IC - the post I swore I would never take up after last year's outstanding publicity. I got arm-twisted emotionally into doing it but thank GOD I managed to persuade Efei to join forces with me. Hopefully can get Yen too *prays hard*

Crap. I STILL haven't posted up the rag photos. Shall procrastinate until after Buaya Week. Need all my creative juices for that one.

2007-09-09T23:08:00.000+08:00

Breaking news story:

In a daring attempt to prove her driving skills, Dina managed to persuade Shaun to let her drive his dad's Chrysler. Surprisingly he did, and even more astonishing was the fact that he seemed less jittery this time round compared to the time when she was driving his Mazda 3.

When asked the question "Do you feel stressed?", his reply was "Now I know how my parents feel when they sit beside me."

Dina, on the other hand, seemed calm and collected when navigating the vehicle through filter lanes and hazardous road conditions.

End of story.

I made myself sound good, didn't I? Haha, in reality I was quite stressed cos that car, no TANK, was humongous and I had 3 other people placing their lives in my nervous hands. Luckily, nothing happened cos...well, I'm just good :) nah, I had excellent coaching from Shaun who was probably about to pee in his pants. It felt great driving the car though, and the road conditions were actually pretty good so it wasn't too bad.

Compared to that, my weekend was rather uneventful with the second-most exciting thing being that Marcus, Melvyn, Stuart, Enru and I met up at Shaun's place for a night of mahjong and Friends. I won maybe a grand total of less than $2 for Shaun and Melvyn and certainly lost a lot more for them. But hey, I did give fair warning :)

Anyway since everyone's been bugging me for a tagboard, here it is. Knock yourselves out.

(Yes I know it's in a terrible position, but I don't know how to change it! So Arisya, if you see this, please rescue me.)

Tutoring Reese

2007-09-03T14:55:00.000+08:00

Stupid Thing #1: Miss South Carolina's (Teen USA) answer to her question. Complete with appropriate comment from judge, brains not included. The contestant's brains I mean, not the judge's.

I guess her brain went into overdrive and short-circuited when it encountered such a "difficult" question.

Stupid Thing #2: The South Korean missionaries who went into Muslim-overrun Afghanistan.
I mean seriously, what were they thinking? Oh wait, were they even thinking? I really don't want to call them stupid cos you know, I might go to hell for this, but they were extremely silly and naive. I'm not the shrewdest person around but even I know I should keep at least 2 countries away from a war-torn nation.

Stupid Thing #3: NUS is planning to implement the option to S/U a module only after the exam results are released and ONLY to the batch matriculating in 07/08 onwards.
What the hell? How much time have we spent agonising over our decision to S/U or not? How many people have regretted S/Uing after they found out they scored an A? Fine it's never happened to me but it has happened to others I know. If the freshmen were graded on a different bell curve from us maybe it wouldn't be so bad but they're not, as far as I know. We're competing on a module-by-module basis and they'll be taking the same modules as us so it's not fair! NUS should extend this option to all seniors as well cos our CAP is so precious to us. I only hope that the S/U forum in IVLE will actually make a difference and it's not just there to show people that NUSSU are pretending to do something when in the end, they'll just say that it can't be changed. The NUSSU people are students too so I really wish they'll fight for this.

It's too bad stupid doesn't hurt.

What I Loved and Hated

2007-08-24T23:28:00.000+08:00

Well I got my room. Miraculously it's in Block B, location isn't great but it's still Beeker Haven so whoopee.

Coming back to hall has been a bit weird. I feel a little out of touch with reality cos I went home for a few days and missed important bonding sessions like IBG trainings and SNDCC. But the juniors, I must say, have been great. Of course the cliques have formed but I think there's still hope yet for the block.

I was a little reluctant to move back because I knew I would miss the comforts of home terribly. Like all things, I realise I took my mother's constant love and care for granted. I enjoyed being looked after, someone to cook for me and wash my clothes, someone who would give up watching her beloved CSI and Law and Order for me to watch my food shows. I planned to move back over the weekend but because of IBG, I rushed to shift into hall which I later discovered wasn't entirely necessary.

It's not that I don't want to come back to hall; the friendships and convenience still have a tight hold on me but that's it really. Nothing else would make me want to live here. Just getting jaded is all.

From Ashes to Asha

2007-08-15T20:06:00.000+08:00

11 August 2007 did NOT start off like any other day. Firstly I had no sleep whatsoever the night before plus it was Rag Day! It drizzled a bit but we managed to save most of the float from any lasting damage except to the wings which collapsed. Listened to Don's narration after that and when he finished I was so bloody proud of us. When we were next up to perform, Tat stood on my stairs, which nearly toppled (cue audience gasp here), and gave this short speech which almost moved me to tears and after I watched our presentation, I once again felt this immense burst of pride.

Results: SH swept nearly all the Flag awards cos Flag was simply outstanding and we all knew that more than half the battle was won cos Flag makes up 60% of the total score. We didn't get Least Cost and Environmentally Friendly but I knew for sure we weren't getting those. Eusoff won Best Float and I think at that moment I started crying because I thought it was going downhill from there. But it was not to be because after that we won the other 2 most important awards - Best Float Presentation and Best Float Design plus the Chancellor's Shield.

I tell you, everyone was crying. Every single ragger I saw had at least tears in their eyes, if not all out sobs. KH was right, Rag is the only event which can make grown men cry. I was hugging people everywhere and I finally know what it's like to have a good shot at winning even before the competition starts.

Btw, in case there was any doubt, our neighbours are totally disgusting and don't have an ounce of class. When EH won Best Float, they were cheering away not cos EH won but because we DIDN'T win? They were chanting "It's not Sheares, it's not Sheares!" Well all I can say is, in your face. When they won, Shearites clapped for them because we are head and shoulders above them in sportsmanship. I'm happy that Sheares Hall always sets the mark to beat with them following in our wake. Two things: Midway Fair in Chingay and during NUS' centennial year and The Cinderella at the Padang.

I always believed we could win. When I heard what the concept was and when I saw the design, I believed we had a good shot. I guess you could say that I put blind faith in this year's Rag team, based on their track record for the various events. Turns out, my faith was right on target.

We managed to fulfil the mission, vision and goal for Rag 0708. We fostered new friendships, we made a float that every Shearite was proud of (but if you weren't, go commit suicide please) and Sheares Hall will definitely be regarded as a premier Rag Hall after all this.

Thank you to everyone that made this happen. I will never regret joining, even if we didn't win. Honestly. I am extremely honoured to be part of Rag 0708 and to all the raggers, thanks for walking with me on this journey. I gave Rag my sleep, social life, my blood, sweat and - can't say 'tears' cos I didn't cry during the process itself - holidays and it was all seriously worth it. That shield made up for everything.

And so, another chapter in my life closes.

“Don’t wait to see to believe. Some things need to be believed to be seen.” - Mr Sean Bai (Logistics IC)

The Cinderella

2007-08-11T22:32:00.000+08:00

WE WON THE CHANCELLOR'S SHIELD! It's like the most important award for Rag and Flag and we got it!

Feeling deliriously happy right now but totally drained of energy. Will continue next time cos I think I need to sleep for the next two days. Then again, sleeping 48 hours probably won't clear sleep debt.

Nope I'm Still Alive

2007-07-27T04:32:00.000+08:00

On the 23rd of July 2007 at 07 15 hours, I finished reading the epilogue of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the seventh and final instalment in the series. I laughed, I teared and felt sudden bursts of pride. It was awesome and worth every cent of the $43 that I paid for it. A true testament of JK Rowling's writing prowess indeed.

My life has ended.

Or it would have anyway, if not for Rag to which I'm bound to by an Unbreakable Vow.

Okay so that's about the most interesting thing that's happened this week. Unless you count the fact that I'm going to St. James on Saturday for FREE, thanks to Halimah :)

Aftermath

2007-07-13T01:41:00.000+08:00

I finally get the chance to blog after so long.

Rag is beginning to take its toll on me so I've decided to go up as early as possible without it looking like I'm shirking my duties.

I'm getting fatter but who can blame me? I only sleep, eat and sit; I swear my butt and thighs are expanding. Unfortunately I'm too lazy to run.

I'm not spending enough time at home and with my friends. Luckily my mother understands I'm doing something important and my friends, well they don't pressure me to go out with them so I'm grateful. This is one of those times where I'm glad that I only have a few friends :) but I really miss Arisya, Hali and Li Shan. Haven't gone out with all three of them in what feels like eternity.

JH just let me know that I'm got about a 0.01% chance of getting back in. It didn't come as that much of a shock to me now cos I'm beginning to accept the horrible truth. I'm almost convinced that moving back home won't be that bad. After all, I've got the TV, cable and my meals prepared but I'm sure going to miss everyone here and obviously the convenience. Still thinking about whether I should move to PGP or another hall but it's not likely.

28 more days to 11 August.

I'm so honoured to be working with such a great team of raggers and I know that I won't regret sacrificing my 3 months of holiday to do this. Let's win this thing.

Listen to the Rain on the Roof

2007-06-30T00:23:00.000+08:00

Hurrah! It's the weekend!

A recap of the week's highlights, which are all about Rag since my social life is pretty much non-existent on weekdays:

I was feeling rather bitter the whole of Wednesday due to some comments, some of which were true but others, very unfair. I've ranted in an extremely long post that will never see the light of the blogosphere; it'll be kept under lock and key. Penning down my feelings made me feel the teensiest bit better but I do have one thing to say: If you haven't done it yourself, please don't judge. And that applies to you too, Dina.

Some of the bitterness carried over to Thursday but as I'm someone who doesn't bear grudges for long, it soon melted away and I began to feel happy again. Until someone repeatedly called or implied that I'm slow... There's only so much a person can take okay. I know I'm not the fastest person around. Think of some better insults, can't you? Everyone knows that I'm a big fan of teasing and everyone knows I can tolerate my fair share but seriously, it's getting old. Maybe this is how Yen feels.

Then after we ended work, JH comes noisily up the stairs and into my room to deliver a huge shock. He said that Boyan has left us. Honestly, I couldn't quite believe it. I was so so sad cos not only have we lost "a pair of very good hands", but we've also lost a friend. Out of Yee Mun, Jonathan and Boyan who are all people I didn't know before, I knew Boyan best as of that time and his loss is going to be hard on us. But I definitely understand that family comes first.

My parting words (although I know he will never read this): I hope that everything will be alright for you soon.

2007-06-24T03:06:00.000+08:00

Edit (26/06/07, 03 25): I miss playing the clarinet. I really felt like joining alumni for the Saints Family concert on 11 August, but guess what? It's on the same day as Rag! What luck. I can't even attend the concert, much less play for it :(

I'm glad I decided to go out with the bandies today instead of sleeping at home. After working so hard for Rag, I think I deserved another much-needed break.

First I went for the alumni dinner which I thought was supposed to be a bbq, thanks to Zuan's misleading SMS :) felt a little guilty when I found out that I didn't have to pay cos I heard it's from the profits they made from Saints Hallelujah, which I wasn't a part of. Shaun entertained us with his SPI (Singapore Paranormal Investigators for the ignorant) experience, which I found rather amusing. I mean, I just found it a bit difficult to believe that little white blobs on photos can be considered 'things'.

My batchies then decided to go for a movie and I drove Shaun's new Mazda to Marina Square. The rest watched Fantastic Four while Kok, Yaofeng, Shaun and I chatted at Cafe Cartel.

After the movie we went to Minds Cafe at Boat Quay or Clarke Quay, forgot which one. Played Jenga Truth or Dare and Taboo. It was my first time there and I think it's pretty much unforgettable, considering the things that happened.

List of Hilarious Things that Happened at Minds:
1. Shaun did a semi-raspberry on Kok's stomach.
2. Deon's "Ready, have sex, go!"
3. Shaun's description of the word "highlight" was to clench his right fist repeatedly. Apparently he was describing how to highlight a driver on the road using the high beam. Like, huh?
4. Enru's forfeit to direct human traffic from the balcony of Minds.

Huishan also brought along Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans which included flavours like Vomit, Rotten Egg, Earwax, Earthworm and Dirt. The Vomit and Earwax were hands-down the worst! Earwax tasted like cod liver oil; it was damn disgusting. I wonder if someone actually tried earwax on a dare or just because they had nothing better to do and informed the company that it tasted like cod liver oil or if the company just cooked up some horrible flavour.
I spat out the Vomit and Earwax; they were simply unswallow-able.

Finally around 2 plus am I drove back home. The fact that Shaun could fall asleep while I was driving his brand new car made me feel good cos I guess he trusts me with the car enough :)

Tired, sleepy and tired

2007-06-21T03:12:00.000+08:00

It's only my 4th day of doing what Materials Engineers are supposed to do and already I'm super duper duper freaking tired.

I measure and cut, measure and cut till I become cross-eyed. I try my darndest to place blue and brown scales accurately, only to find out that the line of scales is slowly going crooked. I'm happy and perky one moment and the next, I just don't feel like talking to anyone. I get so stressed out because I'm frustrated with my own ineptness and (lack of) speed.

This is Rag.

The only thing that keeps me going is the people. Those with passion, who work tirelessly throughout the day to achieve a common goal: to beat our neighbours with an award-winning float :) i place utmost faith in this year's team and I believe we can do it.

I didn't believe that Raggers ragged for the people and not for the hall but I do now.

I will never forget these 3 months in which I slogged day and night but as one ME said, "It's like the army. Once is enough." Or something like that anyway. I can never remember exactly what people say.

Ok enough talky talk about the trials and tribulations of Rag. As I pakat-ed with Jian Hui the other time, I must blog about Yen's incident with the topping-up machine at Somerset MRT. As always we wanted to give Yen a chance to show how fast she is in daily activities cos she complains that our comments about her slowness are unjustified. We decided to let her race against JH in the "Topping-up your EZ Link Card" challenge. First the girl takes out her Maybank card instead of her DBS card, claiming that the cards looked the same. She inserted her Maybank one not once, but twice before realising her error. Then she was always looking down at the screen when asked to key in her PIN and press Enter. Maybe she thought the screen stores PINs now :) she obviously didn't press Enter after keying in her PIN, hence the Italics. It took a total of THREE attempts before Yen managed to successfully top up her card and coupled with her characteristic Royal Tortoise-like speed, she obviously lost the challenge. The End.